Stopping and Timing

It's taken me a good long two and a half years to finally finish all that needed to be done in regards to my thesis film 'Betserai'.  During #reverb10 I previously wrote a post about how my middle name should be 'procrastination', but yesterday I came across an interesting talk by Scott Stratten about stopping.


I posted the video yesterday, but felt I wanted to say more about this point of 'Keeping On Going' instead of taking the time to stop.


When I was 16 I came across the following quote:  'Smell the roses while you can.'  I don't remember who said this and I'm sure that's not even the exact quote, but it stuck with me.  While at the time I was going through a period of intense anger at the world and had a rather maudlin outlook on life, as you often do when you're 16, this quote has stayed with me and I cannot believe how relevant it has become in my life.


I've also been someone who felt the need to 'keep going on' in the face of all adversity.  I think western culture pretty much dictates that.  It's one of the only ways to survive in a capitalist culture where everything comes down to the bottom line. I was never directly told to 'keep going on' by anyone in particular, but it was definitely implied and my parents have often fought to keep me going at times I wanted to stop.  And there have been times when I have stopped.  I've 'procrastinated' and put things off.  I've taken a seat when others were sprinting ahead.  


While in some ways stopping has put me at a disadvantage professionally and personally in some places, it has also given me the chance to stop and smell the roses while I can.  I use to look at the quote 'Smell the roses while you can' in an environmental sense.  I thought the point of the quote was to say that if I didn't take better care of the planet there would be no roses left to smell.  This is true, especially at this present time, but ultimately the quote is also talking about our own personal extinction.  


I guess my teenage arrogance meant that I never went as far as considering my own death in the equation of this quote.  Not that I never though about death, but just never in the sense of my life ending before I had the chance to stop and take a moment to 'smell the roses'; to enjoy life.  


It's funny how so many of us believe that in order to enjoy life we have to be doing.  We have to be getting in order to really appreciate this life that we have.  However, this life that we have is right here, right now.  As I type this blog I have this life.  Even if I stop typing I have it.  If I take my fingers off this keyboard and just stop, my life doesn't stop.  My life continues.  So what does it matter if we stop? Stopping doesn't mean dying or death.  In fact it means quite the opposite, for like Scott Stratten pointed out in his talk, stopping encourages life and living for we can finally see life for what it really is.  We can finally appreciate all we have right here in this moment, that otherwise we would miss because we are too busy doing.


I feel incredibly fortunate in the choices that I have made throughout my life to stop and take stock.  I haven't always appreciated these periods in which I stopped, but now I can see that they've helped me grow personally and spiritually and get me to the mental state I live in today.


This is especially true of the period I am living in just now.  Many things in my life have stopped since I came to live in the Middle East.  But it has helped me to re-evaluate, to figure out what it is I really value and want out of life, without doing a million things in the hopes that these things will helped me to figure out what I want.


In stopping I have come to hear my true inner voice and all it's wants and needs that are not necessarily the material wants and needs that I find myself craving when I am doing.


This stopping also doesn't mean that I have completely stopped.  Like I said, having taken the time to stop I have finally managed to complete a project that I have started and stopped several times in the last couple of years.  And the funny thing is that the timing has been perfect.  Out of all the festivals I have entered I have so far won several awards for my screenplay and the first film festival entry that we applied to (The Accolade Competition of Film, Television, New Media and Videography) just awarded Betserai an 'Award of Excellence'.


Who's to say what would have happened if I had entered 'Betserai' into festivals the previous year or even the following year?  I may still have won some awards, but I do believe that timing is everything.


I timed my trip out to the Middle East perfectly.  I finally managed to move closer to family when my grandfather suddenly passed away.  If I had still been living in New York it would have been awful to be so far away from everyone at a very sad time in our lives.  I was with my parents, however, who were also able to pay for me to fly back to Scotland for the funeral.  I would not have been able to afford it if I had been in New York and may not even have had enough time off to take a trans-atlantic flight back home and take the time that was needed to spend with my family.


Being in Oman at this time has meant that I was there to support my mother during her grief.  My parents were there to support me and enable me to get on my feet financially after struggling so much in New York.  We were all able to take the time to re-evaluate our relationships together and realize that we want to be close to each other in the future, personally and physically.  This meant that we could come to a decision that my parents should move to the US for retirement rather than go back home to Scotland or further afield to Thailand or Malaysia.


So many things have occured that otherwise wouldn't have if I hadn't taken the time to stop and do something that may not have advanced me professionally, or in many ways personally, but it got me to exactly the place I want to be were I can smell the roses while I can.