Do you work too much?
I once did, especially when it came to jobs I had no interest in pursuing other than to pay me money to stay alive. Unfortunately it always seems to be these kinds of jobs that I put all my effort into and then wonder why I can never pursue the things I love.
One of these such jobs is teaching ESL. I know about a handful of people out of the hundreds that I've worked alongside who actually do this job for a love of the actual job. I'm not saying that we don't enjoy working with our students or try to make the best of it, but teaching is definitely not a job you want to continue to strive in while simultaneously hating every moment.
There is so much that is expected of you by not only your students, but also your employers and ultimately no matter what happens you will be blamed as the teacher for any fall out.
I always said I never wanted to teach, so what did I end up doing? Yup! Teaching! Yawn. But all that's about to change. I've finally taken the plunge after a year and a half of making a good living teaching. I'm finally taking a course that will further my passions in writing. Of course this means I'm working harder because I'm teaching AND studying, but it makes a big difference when you are loving what you are doing. I hardly notice all the hard work that goes into my studying because it's enjoyable.
It's really never too late to make a change, although the powers that be would hate for you to know that. So if you're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired in your current job do something about it. It doesn't and shouldn't have to be that hard to make money to live. You may have to live more simply or sparingly to do more of what you love, but in the end isn't that worth it? Do you really need the latest iPhone or Blackberry?
It's easy to get caught up in the 'working to live' mentality, but there is always the option to start 'living to work'. While you do still have to put food on the table remember that your happiness could still come first in order to do so as long as you believe it's possible.
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Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A year from now...
Write a letter to yourself a year from now. What things are happening right now that you won't want yourself to forget?
Hey you!
Well right now you're fighting yourself. You want to write, but many things, such as work, are getting in the way of you having the time and energy to devote to it.
It's not a daily struggle, to be precise, but it's still a sign that the old you and your procrastinating ways haven't fully died yet.
However, I hope you remember how much last year proved that you were finally willing and ready to live your passions. After such a long time misplacing them in areas that you weren't truly interested in, it was great to be living your truth for a change. Do you remember how much energy and creativity you had bursting out of you on a daily basis having finally understood your purpose in this life? I hope that now you are reading this you haven't forgotten, or at least that this post will help you to remember and rekindle those feelings.
I won't tell you that everything in your life was pink and fluffy. Yet, you were definitely living in a more positive era where you were able to look into and reflect on things more deeply in order to understand them and understand your own reactions better.
Your vision of life was still very black and white and often uncompromising, but you were still having an internal struggle with how to deal with situations that would leave you depleted and hurt if you did compromise. I believe that right now you will be steps closer to having solved that problem, at least that's what I would imagine knowing your intent for future practice.
It's funny how you can look back on things and see the leaps and bounds you have taken in the changing while at the time they were really only advances in small baby steps. This is what I hope you remember right now - how important those little baby steps were in you becoming someone you could live with and love and laugh with. It definitely took time to get there, but wasn't the journey worth it?
There is so much wisdom to be gained with age and experience and you've definitely dealt with both of those. I know that 33 will feel pretty much the same as 32 feels right now, but I also know that many things in your life that have been laying dormant for so many years will have blossomed into beautiful flowers that you are able to tend to and nurture into this next phase of your life.
All I would advise is that tenacity is the key. Just keep coming back and striving for whatever values you hold true, no matter the path they take you on. You know the truth at the time and remember the wisdom in this even if your choices turn out to be mistakes.
Keep the flavor and love in your life by remembering all the times you lived your life on pause waiting for the next patch of green grass to make it all better. Why wait for tomorrow what you can live today?
Keep hugging those babies, and like your beautiful second mother Ann once told you:
think deeply
speak gently
love much
laugh a lot
work hard
give freely
and be kind
for death comes to us all in the end, and wouldn't it be great to go out living a life full of grace?
Love ya girl and don't you forget it!
Hey you!
Well right now you're fighting yourself. You want to write, but many things, such as work, are getting in the way of you having the time and energy to devote to it.
It's not a daily struggle, to be precise, but it's still a sign that the old you and your procrastinating ways haven't fully died yet.
However, I hope you remember how much last year proved that you were finally willing and ready to live your passions. After such a long time misplacing them in areas that you weren't truly interested in, it was great to be living your truth for a change. Do you remember how much energy and creativity you had bursting out of you on a daily basis having finally understood your purpose in this life? I hope that now you are reading this you haven't forgotten, or at least that this post will help you to remember and rekindle those feelings.
I won't tell you that everything in your life was pink and fluffy. Yet, you were definitely living in a more positive era where you were able to look into and reflect on things more deeply in order to understand them and understand your own reactions better.
Your vision of life was still very black and white and often uncompromising, but you were still having an internal struggle with how to deal with situations that would leave you depleted and hurt if you did compromise. I believe that right now you will be steps closer to having solved that problem, at least that's what I would imagine knowing your intent for future practice.
It's funny how you can look back on things and see the leaps and bounds you have taken in the changing while at the time they were really only advances in small baby steps. This is what I hope you remember right now - how important those little baby steps were in you becoming someone you could live with and love and laugh with. It definitely took time to get there, but wasn't the journey worth it?
There is so much wisdom to be gained with age and experience and you've definitely dealt with both of those. I know that 33 will feel pretty much the same as 32 feels right now, but I also know that many things in your life that have been laying dormant for so many years will have blossomed into beautiful flowers that you are able to tend to and nurture into this next phase of your life.
All I would advise is that tenacity is the key. Just keep coming back and striving for whatever values you hold true, no matter the path they take you on. You know the truth at the time and remember the wisdom in this even if your choices turn out to be mistakes.
Keep the flavor and love in your life by remembering all the times you lived your life on pause waiting for the next patch of green grass to make it all better. Why wait for tomorrow what you can live today?
Keep hugging those babies, and like your beautiful second mother Ann once told you:
think deeply
speak gently
love much
laugh a lot
work hard
give freely
and be kind
for death comes to us all in the end, and wouldn't it be great to go out living a life full of grace?
Love ya girl and don't you forget it!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Dear Ange, I'm so sorry...
Write an apology letter to yourself for not taking a chance you wish you would have taken in life, love, work, or...?
Dear Ange,
I'm so sorry. I know you're disappointed in me and feel I've let you down. And the truth is that I have. But I also believe that was part of the process to get you to where you are right now in this moment. And I know that you believe that is true.
We should have taken those chances that you had all those dreams about, but somehow life got in the way. I truly believe, however, that life got in the way because we let it. It wasn't our time. It may not have coincided with the timeline you had dreamt of, but it was the timeline that was and is still true to your soul.
I know one thing is for sure - we both agree that we wouldn't go back and change a thing even if we could. This is all we need to remember in order to forgive. I hope you can forgive me and know that I'll do better in the future not to let it happen again.
Stay true...
Dear Ange,
I'm so sorry. I know you're disappointed in me and feel I've let you down. And the truth is that I have. But I also believe that was part of the process to get you to where you are right now in this moment. And I know that you believe that is true.
We should have taken those chances that you had all those dreams about, but somehow life got in the way. I truly believe, however, that life got in the way because we let it. It wasn't our time. It may not have coincided with the timeline you had dreamt of, but it was the timeline that was and is still true to your soul.
I know one thing is for sure - we both agree that we wouldn't go back and change a thing even if we could. This is all we need to remember in order to forgive. I hope you can forgive me and know that I'll do better in the future not to let it happen again.
Stay true...
Monday, February 7, 2011
A kitten that 'just' survived and a random masked guy in my friends yard at 2am.
I sat at the traffic lights near my house today ready to rush off down the highway to work as I usually do. The cars to my right started to pull out into the intersection when I suddenly noticed a kitten, about 6 months old, running in tandem underneath the red car in the front of the line.
Strangely the kitten managed to keep up with the red car till the point when it's spine hit the underside of the car causing it to somersault over itself. I put my hands to my face, hardly daring to look at the blood bath I expected to occur next, and gasped.
To my shock the kitten managed to get back on its feet and run out to the left of the car without getting hit by the back tire and continued to run alongside the cars following the red car into the intersection. The kitten looked around itself several times but continued running without getting hit until it reached the median divider and took refuge beside a street lamp.
I was shook up and could hardly believe that the kitten had made it. Then my light turned green and I drove off to work wishing I could have stopped to pick the kitten up and take it to the vet.
As I continued my drive to work, this nearly tragic event early this morning got me thinking about how out of control our lives become when we get into a car. We think we've got it sorted, but one wrong move and we could be ploughing into cars or people. We think so mindlessly about getting into a car and driving that it's only in situations like this that we see the frailty of life when it comes into contact with transportation.
The person driving the red car or people driving any of the cars following it were unlikely to know the cat was under their car or if the cat had been hit. It's also unlikely anyone but a devoted animal lover would have stopped to help the kitten, especially not if the kitten became road kill.
(There are many homeless cats and dogs here in Oman, which we call jebel or wadi cats/dogs (jebel = mountain/wadi = river bed in Arabic) and a good number end up as road kill.)
It really put into perspective the problems I've been having with road rage. Most of which stem from impatience at other drivers who don't respect the traffic laws or other drivers on the road. It also stems from a false sense of control and confidence that it is important to have when you get behind the wheel of the car. We've all seen drivers who are so fearful of the machine they are driving that they end up causing traffic problems.
I think it's important to have confidence and feel in control of your actions behind the wheel, but also have respect for the fact that you can only have control if you stay focused and in control of your emotions. The emotional mind is not one we should be using while driving.
Therefore in honor of the little kitten that managed to survive what must have been a horrible ordeal today, I vow to try much harder to stay calm while behind the wheel and make sure that I stay in control of not only the car but also my emotions while driving.
Mindfulness is the answer!
Speaking of mindfulness, it is such an important thing for women to practice, especially if single and living alone. Last night a masked man was wandering about my friend's backyard. She is single and lives alone. The area she lives in is rather sketchy, and luckily she has a dog to keep the intruders away, but it's a reminder for women to always be mindful of their surroundings and make sure they are taking the measures required to keep themselves safe. There's just no saying who will pray on your weaknesses.
It's amazing the tenacity of character that is required to make it through the day!
Strangely the kitten managed to keep up with the red car till the point when it's spine hit the underside of the car causing it to somersault over itself. I put my hands to my face, hardly daring to look at the blood bath I expected to occur next, and gasped.
To my shock the kitten managed to get back on its feet and run out to the left of the car without getting hit by the back tire and continued to run alongside the cars following the red car into the intersection. The kitten looked around itself several times but continued running without getting hit until it reached the median divider and took refuge beside a street lamp.
I was shook up and could hardly believe that the kitten had made it. Then my light turned green and I drove off to work wishing I could have stopped to pick the kitten up and take it to the vet.
As I continued my drive to work, this nearly tragic event early this morning got me thinking about how out of control our lives become when we get into a car. We think we've got it sorted, but one wrong move and we could be ploughing into cars or people. We think so mindlessly about getting into a car and driving that it's only in situations like this that we see the frailty of life when it comes into contact with transportation.
The person driving the red car or people driving any of the cars following it were unlikely to know the cat was under their car or if the cat had been hit. It's also unlikely anyone but a devoted animal lover would have stopped to help the kitten, especially not if the kitten became road kill.
(There are many homeless cats and dogs here in Oman, which we call jebel or wadi cats/dogs (jebel = mountain/wadi = river bed in Arabic) and a good number end up as road kill.)
It really put into perspective the problems I've been having with road rage. Most of which stem from impatience at other drivers who don't respect the traffic laws or other drivers on the road. It also stems from a false sense of control and confidence that it is important to have when you get behind the wheel of the car. We've all seen drivers who are so fearful of the machine they are driving that they end up causing traffic problems.
I think it's important to have confidence and feel in control of your actions behind the wheel, but also have respect for the fact that you can only have control if you stay focused and in control of your emotions. The emotional mind is not one we should be using while driving.
Therefore in honor of the little kitten that managed to survive what must have been a horrible ordeal today, I vow to try much harder to stay calm while behind the wheel and make sure that I stay in control of not only the car but also my emotions while driving.
Mindfulness is the answer!
Speaking of mindfulness, it is such an important thing for women to practice, especially if single and living alone. Last night a masked man was wandering about my friend's backyard. She is single and lives alone. The area she lives in is rather sketchy, and luckily she has a dog to keep the intruders away, but it's a reminder for women to always be mindful of their surroundings and make sure they are taking the measures required to keep themselves safe. There's just no saying who will pray on your weaknesses.
It's amazing the tenacity of character that is required to make it through the day!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
#reverb10/#reverb11 - a 2011 update
One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?
One thing I know for sure is that every #reverb10 prompt got me thinking and it appears that it also got me sending out vibes into the universe that have culminated all the change that has taken place in my life so far in 2011.
I won't say I'm succeeding in everything that I wanted to achieve this year but I'm also still not in a position to do many of those things (and it is only the beginning of February!). Out of the things I can accomplish here in Muscat these are the things that are proving to stick:
Writing - I'm on my 66th day of 750words, which is unbelievable (I can't believe how motivated I am to keep racking up those badges! Although my attachment to my badges and word count definitely isn't healthy or mindful of me). I'm sure that the day I can't write and start back at the beginning again as an egg will really be the challenge. However, right now I don't know how that will happen as I'm obsessed! 750words keeps me functioning!
I haven't started my first novel yet, or worked any further on my feature scripts, but I'm working on writing my blog everyday and have started a few articles for Tiny Buddha which I hope to submit. Right now my work schedule isn't allowing for much more writing and also the fact I've been sick. Being sick gives me time to sit and think, but I have no energy or passion to write my thoughts down.
I have been much better at letting go of my old self - by proving that when I love something I won't give up on it even if I doubt myself
I have also been better at planning less, living slower and going with the flow by not beating myself up over the things I don't achieve, but also not giving up on achieving those goals when the timing is finally right.
I'm still enjoying listening to Zencast and participating in Drop a Love Bomb, but my meditation practice has ground to a halt. It's the one thing I'm having trouble sticking to. I think that once I join a sangha in Savannah it will help. I need the inspiration of those who practice and experience the benefits around me to give me that boost I can't seem to find in myself.
I'm still teaching ESL and I didn't get a job out of all the ones I applied for, but this experience has been freeing and has taught me I don't have to plan everything out to a t. Life is giving me a chance to finally do what I love - freelance writing and film work - and I've got to grasp that offer while I can. It may never happen again.
I know that with no secure job on the horizon in July my chance to live with less stuff is now, in order to maintain a life that doesn't require a constant and steady flow of income. I am practicing presently although I wouldn't say I'm completely minimalist. That's not really my goal. My goal is to be mindful about my spending and why I need 'stuff' in my life.
I'm less prone to contact Facebook and email checking as I was last year but this is mainly due to the wisdom of @gwenbell and @evbogue whose current technological explorations have really made me think more mindfully about what I'm involved with online.
I'm still as judgmental if not worse than I was, but this is because I've been taking less time to sit back, breath and live in the moment. Not meditating is a reason for this I'm sure, and once I have sorted that out I'm hoping this part of my personality will fall into line (a girl can dream!).
I'm so busy writing that I'm watching WAY less TV. This is also cause there's less on, but it's good for me and my life - so please OSN don't put any good shows on and my TV sabbatical will continue!
Unfortunately I'm still road raging, but I'm getting better at being mindful about the possibility of road raging before I get in the car. Gradually I'm becoming less concerned about what others think anymore, which is also why I'm willing to admit I'm a chronic road rager (I don't get out of my car or anything, but a few fists have been raised!). I'm still buying shoes (but it's under control because I'm succeeding in my financial goals) and I'm definitely dreaming less and doing more.
I'm so hopeful for the future, which my yoga practice helps with although due to being sick I haven't been able to practice as much as I've wanted to.
All in all I can't complain. If this is what the start of 2011 holds, just think what the end of 2011 will have brought! Can't wait!
One thing I know for sure is that every #reverb10 prompt got me thinking and it appears that it also got me sending out vibes into the universe that have culminated all the change that has taken place in my life so far in 2011.
I won't say I'm succeeding in everything that I wanted to achieve this year but I'm also still not in a position to do many of those things (and it is only the beginning of February!). Out of the things I can accomplish here in Muscat these are the things that are proving to stick:
Writing - I'm on my 66th day of 750words, which is unbelievable (I can't believe how motivated I am to keep racking up those badges! Although my attachment to my badges and word count definitely isn't healthy or mindful of me). I'm sure that the day I can't write and start back at the beginning again as an egg will really be the challenge. However, right now I don't know how that will happen as I'm obsessed! 750words keeps me functioning!
I haven't started my first novel yet, or worked any further on my feature scripts, but I'm working on writing my blog everyday and have started a few articles for Tiny Buddha which I hope to submit. Right now my work schedule isn't allowing for much more writing and also the fact I've been sick. Being sick gives me time to sit and think, but I have no energy or passion to write my thoughts down.
I have been much better at letting go of my old self - by proving that when I love something I won't give up on it even if I doubt myself
I have also been better at planning less, living slower and going with the flow by not beating myself up over the things I don't achieve, but also not giving up on achieving those goals when the timing is finally right.
I'm still enjoying listening to Zencast and participating in Drop a Love Bomb, but my meditation practice has ground to a halt. It's the one thing I'm having trouble sticking to. I think that once I join a sangha in Savannah it will help. I need the inspiration of those who practice and experience the benefits around me to give me that boost I can't seem to find in myself.
I'm still teaching ESL and I didn't get a job out of all the ones I applied for, but this experience has been freeing and has taught me I don't have to plan everything out to a t. Life is giving me a chance to finally do what I love - freelance writing and film work - and I've got to grasp that offer while I can. It may never happen again.
I know that with no secure job on the horizon in July my chance to live with less stuff is now, in order to maintain a life that doesn't require a constant and steady flow of income. I am practicing presently although I wouldn't say I'm completely minimalist. That's not really my goal. My goal is to be mindful about my spending and why I need 'stuff' in my life.
I'm less prone to contact Facebook and email checking as I was last year but this is mainly due to the wisdom of @gwenbell and @evbogue whose current technological explorations have really made me think more mindfully about what I'm involved with online.
I'm still as judgmental if not worse than I was, but this is because I've been taking less time to sit back, breath and live in the moment. Not meditating is a reason for this I'm sure, and once I have sorted that out I'm hoping this part of my personality will fall into line (a girl can dream!).
I'm so busy writing that I'm watching WAY less TV. This is also cause there's less on, but it's good for me and my life - so please OSN don't put any good shows on and my TV sabbatical will continue!
Unfortunately I'm still road raging, but I'm getting better at being mindful about the possibility of road raging before I get in the car. Gradually I'm becoming less concerned about what others think anymore, which is also why I'm willing to admit I'm a chronic road rager (I don't get out of my car or anything, but a few fists have been raised!). I'm still buying shoes (but it's under control because I'm succeeding in my financial goals) and I'm definitely dreaming less and doing more.
I'm so hopeful for the future, which my yoga practice helps with although due to being sick I haven't been able to practice as much as I've wanted to.
All in all I can't complain. If this is what the start of 2011 holds, just think what the end of 2011 will have brought! Can't wait!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Expressing creativity
Tell us about three ways you express your creativity.
Through writing
When I'm singing
Through the colors I choose to brighten my day in whatever form and shape they take
Through writing
When I'm singing
Through the colors I choose to brighten my day in whatever form and shape they take
Friday, February 4, 2011
Procrastination x 7
Tell us seven things you do when you procrastinate.
If it's a good day:
I get a snack, then I add a drink to my order. Then I'll turn on the TV just to see if Kendra is on, then I'll search the channels realizing there's nothing on and praying for a great On Demand movie, which there won't be. Following that I'll open every tab possible on Safari and Firefox just to see if anything interesting happened in the five minutes I was gone. Then I'll notice a dust bunny hopping quietly along the edge of the room and decide that the house really needs to be cleaned, like right NOW. Failing at all that as a means to procrastinate I'll wander the house sighing a lot in the hopes someone will engaged me in conversation as to why I'm sighing, at which point I can steer the conversation towards long, debatable topics.
If it's a bad day:
I'll stop, sit, breathe, watch my thoughts rising and then open up 750words and just let it all out. Before I know it I'll have written that 750, my procrastination will be squirming underneath me and I'll be well on my way to writing 8 more pages of my script or scribbling the beginnings of my novel.
I'd hate to think what I'd do if it was a terrible day! Bring them on!
If it's a good day:
I get a snack, then I add a drink to my order. Then I'll turn on the TV just to see if Kendra is on, then I'll search the channels realizing there's nothing on and praying for a great On Demand movie, which there won't be. Following that I'll open every tab possible on Safari and Firefox just to see if anything interesting happened in the five minutes I was gone. Then I'll notice a dust bunny hopping quietly along the edge of the room and decide that the house really needs to be cleaned, like right NOW. Failing at all that as a means to procrastinate I'll wander the house sighing a lot in the hopes someone will engaged me in conversation as to why I'm sighing, at which point I can steer the conversation towards long, debatable topics.
If it's a bad day:
I'll stop, sit, breathe, watch my thoughts rising and then open up 750words and just let it all out. Before I know it I'll have written that 750, my procrastination will be squirming underneath me and I'll be well on my way to writing 8 more pages of my script or scribbling the beginnings of my novel.
I'd hate to think what I'd do if it was a terrible day! Bring them on!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
What I've learned from the people who annoy me!
Prompt: Think about someone who annoys you. Write a list of everything you don't like about them, and then write a list of all the things that you're grateful that they've shown you about yourself.
First let me state that if someone annoys me, no matter how often they annoy me or how much they annoy me, the problem is mine and mine alone. This is what I believe. I cannot control others, I can only control my reaction to them. Therefore it's up to me to examine why others annoy me and what I can do to change myself in order to change my reaction and move on from annoyance into compassion. This is in no way an easy feat, but by first identifying what the annoyances bring up in me I can start to piece together the things I have to improve in myself and an action plan of how I can do this.
There is someone very close to me who causes me no limit of annoyance most days. Ultimately this is because what annoys me I can see in myself and I don't know how to deal with it because I don't know how to stop it in myself. Some of these annoyances and the things I'm grateful they've shown me are:
- Extreme views
I'm a scorpio so everything I see I see in black and white. Often to such a point in the pas that I've lost all the color from my life. I think that's why I've found Buddhist practices so important in showing me the depth and range of color a life can have. I'm grateful that I have seen the destructive nature that black and white thinking can have in the long run and how it can alienate those around you to the point that you become very isolated and alone. This is not to say that black and white thinking is wrong, but simply that our thinking should resemble a rainbow of colors rather than just a couple.
- Not listening
I feel that the reason why many people don't listen to others is because they've never felt heard. What I've been grateful to learn watching someone not listening to others is that it's so much more important to listen to others than be heard. And you'll find that the more you do listen, the more the other person will be willing to hear your views too. So, I'm trying much harder these days to step back, take a breath and listen as fully as I can. It isn't always easy and I do a lot more listening that talking, but sometimes what I have to say isn't that interesting anyway!
- Selfishness
Being annoyed with someone who has a selfish nature should not mean that you become generous to a fault where you no longer take care of yourself. Again the important thing to remember about selfishness is the middle way. We must remember when to take care of others and when to take care of ourselves. It's a fine balance and one we all have to figure out for ourselves.
- Closed views and opinions
I don't believe that I have to agree with the opinions or views of others, but I do believe that I must have enough compassion to understand where the other person is coming from with their views and opinions and why they may believe what they believe.
- Laziness/ Sloth
I am soooo lazy sometimes. But what I've realized is that it's not about wanting to be lazy but simply about fear. It's about being so fearful of change, for better or worse, that you get paralyzed, to the chair, to the computer, to the television and nothing and no one can get you moving. The more you put into your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health the more you can release your fears and deal with anything in your life.
- Greed/ Over consumption/ Lack of self control
I've come to understand that all these flaws in people are due to an avoidance in self understanding and self reflection. If we stop and take a look at what's really causing our greed, over consumption and lack of self control we can begin to deal with the emotions that cause us to act in these manners. It's hard to look within and really look at what scares us about ourselves, but only when we do so can we start living our truth and face our fears so that they don't control us.
There is no easy fix for changing ourselves into the people we dream to be. Others only prove to reflect the things that we struggle to deal with everyday. But rather than looking at these reflections as defeating we should look at them with joy that we have been given the opportunity to see a deeper part of ourselves that can be fixed in order for us to live our best lives.
First let me state that if someone annoys me, no matter how often they annoy me or how much they annoy me, the problem is mine and mine alone. This is what I believe. I cannot control others, I can only control my reaction to them. Therefore it's up to me to examine why others annoy me and what I can do to change myself in order to change my reaction and move on from annoyance into compassion. This is in no way an easy feat, but by first identifying what the annoyances bring up in me I can start to piece together the things I have to improve in myself and an action plan of how I can do this.
There is someone very close to me who causes me no limit of annoyance most days. Ultimately this is because what annoys me I can see in myself and I don't know how to deal with it because I don't know how to stop it in myself. Some of these annoyances and the things I'm grateful they've shown me are:
- Extreme views
I'm a scorpio so everything I see I see in black and white. Often to such a point in the pas that I've lost all the color from my life. I think that's why I've found Buddhist practices so important in showing me the depth and range of color a life can have. I'm grateful that I have seen the destructive nature that black and white thinking can have in the long run and how it can alienate those around you to the point that you become very isolated and alone. This is not to say that black and white thinking is wrong, but simply that our thinking should resemble a rainbow of colors rather than just a couple.
- Not listening
I feel that the reason why many people don't listen to others is because they've never felt heard. What I've been grateful to learn watching someone not listening to others is that it's so much more important to listen to others than be heard. And you'll find that the more you do listen, the more the other person will be willing to hear your views too. So, I'm trying much harder these days to step back, take a breath and listen as fully as I can. It isn't always easy and I do a lot more listening that talking, but sometimes what I have to say isn't that interesting anyway!
- Selfishness
Being annoyed with someone who has a selfish nature should not mean that you become generous to a fault where you no longer take care of yourself. Again the important thing to remember about selfishness is the middle way. We must remember when to take care of others and when to take care of ourselves. It's a fine balance and one we all have to figure out for ourselves.
- Closed views and opinions
I don't believe that I have to agree with the opinions or views of others, but I do believe that I must have enough compassion to understand where the other person is coming from with their views and opinions and why they may believe what they believe.
- Laziness/ Sloth
I am soooo lazy sometimes. But what I've realized is that it's not about wanting to be lazy but simply about fear. It's about being so fearful of change, for better or worse, that you get paralyzed, to the chair, to the computer, to the television and nothing and no one can get you moving. The more you put into your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health the more you can release your fears and deal with anything in your life.
- Greed/ Over consumption/ Lack of self control
I've come to understand that all these flaws in people are due to an avoidance in self understanding and self reflection. If we stop and take a look at what's really causing our greed, over consumption and lack of self control we can begin to deal with the emotions that cause us to act in these manners. It's hard to look within and really look at what scares us about ourselves, but only when we do so can we start living our truth and face our fears so that they don't control us.
There is no easy fix for changing ourselves into the people we dream to be. Others only prove to reflect the things that we struggle to deal with everyday. But rather than looking at these reflections as defeating we should look at them with joy that we have been given the opportunity to see a deeper part of ourselves that can be fixed in order for us to live our best lives.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Who's your favorite character from a book, play, film, or other work of art?
Alex (Jeremy Irons) - Stealing Beauty (1996)
I'm a film girl so it's fitting that I choose the film character that I have connect with the most out of all the films I have ever watched (believe me it's a LOT!).
While watching this Bertolucci masterpiece I believed that Jeremy Irons was Alex. I felt I had known Alex all my life and that he's still a friend of mine.
This is truly the mark of great writing, in my opinion, when the characters are written with such grace and detail that we believe that they actually inhabit our world and can be seen in the people we surround ourselves with.
As a dying man, Alex is constantly aware of the beauty around him in a way that very few living people do. It's almost painful for him to watch the environment around him as it is taken for granted by those without a timer ticking at their backs.
He rejoices in the youth and innocent beauty of Lucy (Liv Tyler) who struggles to come to terms with her age and the widening possibilities opening out in front of her. Yet, while he rejoices he also frets and grows angry at how wasteful she is with the opportunities and chances she has to live a full and honest life right now.
While his anger may be justified from his point of view, it is lost on those around him who find it hard to see him as much more than a dying man, bitter at the hand life has dealt his ending days.
I believe I especially connected with Alex because he is a writer, a renowned poet whose flashes of brilliance frustrate him all the more in that he cannot locate what he believes is his best work, leaving him only with memories of the brilliance so many now remember him for.
He appears at peace with his own death, but unwilling to stop trying to persuade those around him to live better. I admire him for this. I believe it is so important to accept that death is inevitable in order to more fully open to now and the present moment. Otherwise, as for Alex, it will turn out to be too late and we'll be struggling to figure out the best of what we will have left behind.
I wish I had known Alex. I only hope I can die as gracefully as he tries and that through character's such as his more people will strive to fear death less and live more before it's too late.
Theme for blogging in February: Character
An answer!
So I sent my thoughts out into the universe and the universe answered with a tweet introducing me to NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month!
Naturally I'm a day late but I did post something yesterday so technically I wrote! Here's to hoping the wisdom of blogging everyday shines through and not just random crazy thoughts from my brain!?!
Join me :D
Now to catch up...
Naturally I'm a day late but I did post something yesterday so technically I wrote! Here's to hoping the wisdom of blogging everyday shines through and not just random crazy thoughts from my brain!?!
Join me :D
Now to catch up...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
My second 'cyber' self
I haven't written for several days now for the same reason I've been putting of my practice and my time on the mat. I don't know why exactly because getting back on the mat today got me wanting to write again, although I'm still on sabbatical from meditation.
I guess it's a combination of things - wondering what I really want to write on this here blog/ wondering what my focus should be when I'm writing/ wondering how to complete my job responsibilities, study my online course, write my 750 words a day and still have time to write on here or simply just write the many projects I have going on right now.
My horoscope at the beginning of 2011 spoke about having too many plates to juggle, not that I see that as a negative, but simply allowing me to explore and hone in on what I'm really trying to achieve with my writing.
Through all this pondering @evbogue and @gwenbell have been keeping me moving forward and questioning what I'm really seeking online. Recently, I've been overwhelmed with information from all sources and have been plugged in far too often and far too aimlessly.
In terms of what I'm trying to achieve here I think my problem is that the blog I'm seeking to create doesn't really exist yet. @gwenbell summed it up perfectly in her interview here that I took the time to really listen to today. I don't want to have to button hole or cover up an aspect of myself that just doesn't 'fit' with what my second self is trying to achieve here. I want to be open and vulnerable and be able to share all and everything that comes up, but the problem is figuring out how to achieve that on a scrolling page with a back dated archive. Showing up at the first page doesn't necessarily portray what I'm all about, but then neither does a single one of my posts.
I guess what I'm searching for is a 'free spirit' of a blog that morphs and changes as I morph and change without back dating these events as if I'm a history book to be learned and memorized.
Ultimately it doesn't really matter, it's more about exploring what I wish to put out into the world and I guess that right now the way the internet works we're still exploring how to do this more effectively and more efficiently.
Whatever happens my last idea of having 3 different blogs that showcase all the things I wish to write about truly proves how far down in the exploration trail I currently am. But with the help of these revolutionary mindfully thinking folks I'm excited to see what starts to come up!
If you're interested in the dialogue going on right now concerning mindful folks who're exploring how best to create and use their second self check out the dialogue going on on twitter by following all the people @evbogue and @gwenbell follow and subscribe to their blogs. What they're exploring is truly fascinating.
Oh and I've got to start being a single spacer. It's a learning curve!
I guess it's a combination of things - wondering what I really want to write on this here blog/ wondering what my focus should be when I'm writing/ wondering how to complete my job responsibilities, study my online course, write my 750 words a day and still have time to write on here or simply just write the many projects I have going on right now.
My horoscope at the beginning of 2011 spoke about having too many plates to juggle, not that I see that as a negative, but simply allowing me to explore and hone in on what I'm really trying to achieve with my writing.
Through all this pondering @evbogue and @gwenbell have been keeping me moving forward and questioning what I'm really seeking online. Recently, I've been overwhelmed with information from all sources and have been plugged in far too often and far too aimlessly.
In terms of what I'm trying to achieve here I think my problem is that the blog I'm seeking to create doesn't really exist yet. @gwenbell summed it up perfectly in her interview here that I took the time to really listen to today. I don't want to have to button hole or cover up an aspect of myself that just doesn't 'fit' with what my second self is trying to achieve here. I want to be open and vulnerable and be able to share all and everything that comes up, but the problem is figuring out how to achieve that on a scrolling page with a back dated archive. Showing up at the first page doesn't necessarily portray what I'm all about, but then neither does a single one of my posts.
I guess what I'm searching for is a 'free spirit' of a blog that morphs and changes as I morph and change without back dating these events as if I'm a history book to be learned and memorized.
Ultimately it doesn't really matter, it's more about exploring what I wish to put out into the world and I guess that right now the way the internet works we're still exploring how to do this more effectively and more efficiently.
Whatever happens my last idea of having 3 different blogs that showcase all the things I wish to write about truly proves how far down in the exploration trail I currently am. But with the help of these revolutionary mindfully thinking folks I'm excited to see what starts to come up!
If you're interested in the dialogue going on right now concerning mindful folks who're exploring how best to create and use their second self check out the dialogue going on on twitter by following all the people @evbogue and @gwenbell follow and subscribe to their blogs. What they're exploring is truly fascinating.
Oh and I've got to start being a single spacer. It's a learning curve!
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