INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

LOU, a 19-year-old girl, rocks a 3-month-old BABY in her arms while peering out the slats of the horizontal blinds in front of a grimy window.  


She looks out into the dust bowl of a front yard, surrounded by a wire-fence.  To the left of the yard stands a simple gate large enough to fit a car through.  One saloon car stands parked right in the middle of the gate.  The driver's door stands open.  BILLY (30) stands behind the door with a shot gun in his hands.


Lou watches as a red pick-up drives up the pathway and stops in front of the saloon car blocking its exit through the gate.  A MAN (45) gets out of the driver's side of the car, a rifle in his right hand.  Billy points his rifle at the man who walks towards him.  They exchange words.


Lou quickly looks around herself at a living room strewn with piles of clothes, empty take out food boxes and toys.  Lou spots a portable phone on the arm of the couch farthest from her.  She quickly turns back to the window to see both men now pointing their rifles at one another.  Loud raised voices can be heard floating into the house.


Lou climbs over obstacles in her path and grabs the phone.  As she dials '911' her hands shake.  She rocks the baby faster as she moves back to the window waiting for the call to be answered.

LOU

                                      Police.

Lou looks out the window to see Billy edge closer to the other man who has lowered his gun slightly.  She looks quickly down at the baby in her arms.

LOU (cont'd)

 19 Harrison -

A loud bang is heard outside.  Lou falls to the floor crouching over the baby and drops the phone on the floor.  The baby jumps awake and begins to bawl.

Lou checks to make sure the baby is unhurt before slowly raising herself up to the window to peer out.  She carefully looks out the bottom of the window to see Billy lying motionless on the ground next to the saloon car.  The man gets into his red pick-up, takes a quick look in Lou's direction, then reverses and drives away.

Lou grabs the phone from beside her on the floor.

LOU

                               Hello?  HELLO?  Someone help

                               me please - 

(written listening to Save Yourself by Sharon Van Etten)

EXT. PARK - NIGHT - WARNING! Coarse language...

Anna, a 16-year-old girl, dressed in a short denim mini-skirt, tank top and six inch heels totters across the grass of a clearing amongst trees and overgrown bushes.


She shivers and rubs her hands quickly over her bare arms, a lit cigarette hanging from the fingers of her left hand.  She takes a long drag as she walks past a thick tree trunk shrouded by branches and leaves that dance across the ground in the wind.


Anna crouches down as she walks and strains to see beyond the tree branches.  A COUPLE can be seen making out heavily against the tree trunk.

ANNA

                               Benny?

Anna stops in her tracks and continues to smoke her dwindling cigarette, waiting for a reply.  When nothing comes she takes another drag of her cigarette.

COUPLE

                               FUCK OFF.

Anna squints her eyes again in the direction of the couple.

ANNA

                               Hiya, Nick.

Anna smiles, then stands and continues straight ahead on her path across the grass clearing towards a break in the trees.

Once at the break in the trees, Anna looks back across the clearing where the moonlight caresses the grass.  She takes her high heels off and leans against the nearest tree trunk.  Anna sighs, closes her eyes and rests her head against the tree trunk.

BENNY (O.S.)

                               Where's my money?

Anna jumps in fright before quickly looking around her.  BENNY, a tattooed giant in his mid-thirties, emerges from behind the trees on the opposite side of the tree break.

ANNA

                               Shit!  What's with all the

                               creeping?

BENNY

                               Where's my money?

Anna slips her high heels back on her feet as Benny walks towards her, a large palm opened out in front of him.  Anna reaches into the front of her tank top and rummages around the front of her bra before pulling out a roll of notes.

Anna hands the money to Benny who counts the money in front of her.  Once counted Benny takes a couple of notes from the roll and hands them back to Anna.  Anna puts them back in her bra.

BENNY (cont'd)

                               You done for the night?

Anna shrugs, watching Benny closely.

BENNY (cont'd)

                               Right, come on then.  I'll

                               take you home.

Benny walks away further into the trees.  Anna walks slowly behind.  They disappear into the darkness.

(written listening to 'Weeping Willow' by The Verve)

EXT. DRIVEWAY - DAY

TOMMY, a five-year-old boy, walks slowly and carefully down the side of a car sitting running in the tarred driveway.  He holds a toy airplane in his left hand.  He moves the plane up and down as he walks as if it is flying through the air.

TOMMY

                               Come in Commander.  Do you

                               read me?

Tommy makes a sound resembling static on a radio as he starts to shake the plane as if it's having engine troubles.

TOMMY (cont'd)

                               Come in Commander.  These 

                               engines aren't gonna hold for

                               much longer!

MOM (O.S.)

                               Tommy, come on.  I'm not gonna

                               wait all day.

Tommy turns to look through the car windows at his MOM, a tired looking woman in her mid-thirties, who stares back at him.

Tommy swoops the plane around to his left as he runs round the front of the car.  Mom stands holding the car door open for him.

TOMMY

                              Sorry, mom.  We were having engine

                              troubles.

Tommy smiles up at Mom.  Mom doesn't give him eye contact.

INT.  CAR - DAY

Tommy gets into the back seat next to a couple of suitcases.  Mom buckles him in to the seat.

TOMMY (cont'd)

                               I was calling for the Commander,

                               but no one was answering.

Mom stands up and shuts the car door.  She then gets into the driver's seat and puts the keys in the ignition.  She shuts the car door with force.

TOMMY

                              Do you think the Commander will 

                              ever call us back?

Mom sits silent for a moment, holding the steering wheel and staring out the driveway onto the street.

MOM

                              I don't know baby. I really don't

                              know.

Mom turns the keys, starts the car and they drive away.

(written while listening to 'We're Ready' by Boston)

EXT. BEACH - DAY

MARIE, a pretty 20 year old, rollerblades with grace along the pavement bordering a pristine, white sandy beach.  MARK, a ruggedly handsome 25 year old, flies past her on rollerblades.

                                  MARK                                               

                             Come on, slowcoach!

Marie shrieks with laughter before racing to catch up with Mark who is well ahead of her.  They fly past families and couples lying on the beach.  A few people are swimming in the clear blue water.  

Mark and Marie continue to skate further down the pavement lining the beach, but start to slow their pace.

MARIE

                              Do you always come down here?

MARK

                              I used to.  I haven't been here 

                              in quite a while.

Mark looks ahead again then turns and begins to skate backwards.

MARK (cont'd)

                              Don't you just love it?

Marie laughs again before turning to skate backwards.  She has difficulty for a few minutes.  Mark skates much farther ahead of her so she turns round to skate forwards again.

Mark laughs.

MARK (cont'd)

                              Is that all you've got?

Marie's eyes grow wide and she reaches forward with both arms waving.

MARIE

                              Watch out!

Suddenly, a tall, well built GUY, in his late twenties, runs full tilt into Mark in an attempt to catch a football flying towards them both.

Mark goes flying across the pavement and lands hard on his knees.  He braces himself against the pavement with his hands and cries out in pain.  The guy falls over into the pavement just short of where Mark is now kneeling.

GUY

                               Watch where the hell you're 

                               going, buddy.

He jumps up and runs back to his friends across the beach, the football in hand.

Marie skates quickly over to Mark, yelling as she does so.

MARIE

                              JERK!

She kneels down next to Mark who is now sitting on the pavement his hands and knees covered in dirt, blood, scratches and deep scrapes.

MARIE (cont'd)

                              Hold still.

Marie grabs a bandana from her back pocket, spits onto it and begins to clean the dirt and gravel from Mark's grazed knees.  Mark gasps several times and blows on his bloody palms.  Marie then takes one of Marks hands and moves in to kiss it better.  Mark abruptly pulls his hand back.

MARK

                               Don't!

Marie sits back, confusion in her eyes.  Mark won't give her eye contact.

MARK (cont'd)

                               I'll do it.

Mark grabs the bandana from her hands, spits on it and begins to clean up the blood and dirt on his hands.

(written while listening to 'Something in the Way' by Best Coast)

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

The wind gently floats in through the open window grazing MELINDA's arm and causing the hairs to stand on end.  She sighs, places her pen on the desk as the papers ruffle around her, and looks out the window.


Birds soar in the sky above as others tweet from their nests in trees within the courtyard.  KIDS can be heard laughing and shouting from a short distance away.  


Melinda looks down at the paper she has been writing on and reads her words once more. Finally she picks up her pen once more and places a full stop at the end of the very last sentence.


Melinda stands up from the table and moves to stand in front of the open window.  She rests her elbows on the window frame and her chin in her hands.


From the window she can see the kids, all aged around 7 years old, beyond the courtyard gate running around telling each other stories as they do so.  Melinda watches them intensely before taking a deep breath of fresh air.


She stands up straight again and moves back to her desk only to find that many of her papers are lying strewn across the bedroom floor.  She stops and stares at the papers, then kicks a few of them softly with her bare foot.  Again she hears the kids laughing and speaking.

MELINDA

                             What imagination.

Melinda reaches out, grabs the rest of the papers from her desk, throws them into the air and then walks out of the room shutting the door behind her, leaving the papers to settle randomly around the otherwise untouched bedroom.

(written to the sound of the birds and kids playing in my neighborhood)

FACE2FAITH - review update

Well I've finished the book which is very easy to read.  It reads like a conversation one might have with Jenni herself.

While some people may be put off by the religious aspect of Jenni's book ultimately she proves time and again that her aim is not to turn the reader into a Christian artist, but simply to show where her journey has taken her work and her faith in God.  She is very interested in other faiths throughout the book and this makes for an interesting and well rounded read.

Reading about why and how many of her paintings were made is fascinating, as is her marketing and promotion techniques.  This is definitely a book for anyone who doubts their artistic path and the road that they have taken, for time and again Jenni proves that no matter how down or lacking in confidence one is at certain times, the only person that can give up on their passion and dreams is yourself.

Here's to hoping that Jenni accomplishes all she has set out to achieve and the same goes for you.

FACE2FAITH - A spiritual journey through paint by Jenni Eden

I'm very fortunate to know Jenni Eden, an artist living and working here in Oman whose paintings are sought after worldwide!  Even more fortunately I was gifted a copy of her book FACE2FAITH today by Jenni herself!  While I haven't had the chance to read the book yet, flicking through it, Jenni's paintings definitely speak of the contents of the book.  This is especially the case with her paintings of ballerinas and dancers whose poise and movement remind me of the best of Degas and whisper voices from the source that Jenni hopes to help you discover through her writing.

Tranquility Too ©Jenni Eden

I will have to blog further on this once I've read the book, but it got me thinking how tapping into the source really is the key to living your passion and art.  Without a connection or contact with a source where can our inspiration flow from?  How can we figure out how to discover the ideas that will propel our art further and keep us working when the going gets tough?

Personally my source, wherever it comes from, can be connected to through 750words.com and the flow of consciousness that I achieve when writing nonstop for a set period of time.  It's like opening the plug hole on a drain that once open cannot be closed unless the plug is abandoned for a period and then falls back into place.  Thanks to @busterbenson for help with that!

Maybe your source comes to you through nature or poetry, television, film, running, yoga, driving or even sleeping. The important thing is to find it, for once you do it's a lot easier to accept that your connection is a connection to all and everything.  If you're connected to all and everything how can you get blocked and stuck?  How can you run out of ideas?  For everything is there for inspiration, you just have to be able to tap into that and breathe it in.  Once you know this you'll discover that your abilities are endless.  This is unless, of course, you ignore your source and block out your inspiration fulfilling the probability that you're not good enough and can't do the things you feel passionate about.

The hardest thing is finding out where and how to get in touch with your source, but isn't that what play is all about? So go act like a child, get in touch with all those things that got you excited in the first place and before you know it you may discover your source was always there, you just had to figure out how to find it!

I've asked many questions here, so I'll be back once I've finished reading to see what Jenni had to say about them.  You can find out more about Jenni Eden here.

You can also get inspired yourself and buy her book FACE2FAITH here.

Or you can even let Jenni help you find your source and get inspired by taking part in her ArtsSpa!

3-0 is my magic number!

This song popped up on my i-pod on Wednesday as I drove home from work and it got me thinking about the lovely number 3.  Also, more importantly, it got me thinking about being in my 30s!


Although it's not so much the case anymore, there's still a certain sense of trepidation for those approaching their 30s.  It feels so... I don't even know how to explain it.  I wouldn't say I was negative about being 30, but my mortality started to become a lot more plausible when I turned 30 and I definitely felt like I was dropping off the hip, young bandwagon.  It also seemed like all those being lauded for their successes were in their teens, twenties or above forty. Thirty just seems like that middle child who, while loved, tends to get caught up and lost in the crowd.


I no longer feel like I have a style, the clothes stores are either too young or too old for me.  Even my hairdresser started to give me a hairstyle that made me feel more like I was forty.  So, I got a new hairdresser, but I still don't know how to dress! Mind you maybe that's something I've always had a problem with, I just cared less in my teens and twenties.


Then I really started to consider three as this 'magic number' and I realized that it could be if I allowed it to be.  


If I think about it:


1. In The Past - When I look back I realize that I spent a lot of my time under the age of 30 wishing I could grow up faster in order to achieve all those things that seem important, such as getting a driver's licence, getting to the drinking age, going out with boys, dancing through the night with friends and then going to get breakfast without having to answer to your parents.


2. In The Future - I hope I don't do this, but I know of a lot of people who reach their forties and look back wishing and thinking about all the things they would have done differently if they could.  Also, unless you've taken care of it, your body really starts to take a dive and it can seem like it's all downhill now that 'middle age' has hit.


I know those in the know say that 'middle age' is no longer a term that can be used for those hitting their forties simply because of all the advances that have been made in health and science, which have improved our lives and health so greatly.  This is wonderful news for those of us who won't reach our forties until well into the new millenium.  In addition, there are also so many positive role models out there (especially for women) of those who are well past what others may call their 'prime' who are still succeeding and achieving and having babies.  It definitely gives me hope.


But ultimately what I wanted to note was how important it is to use the thirties to their greatest potential - that of being present.  


3.  In The Present - Now I'm in my thirties I really want to spend as much time as I can improving my mental, spiritual and physical life in order to be as happy as is possible.  I don't want to waste a minute of the time I have before I reach forty when many of my dreams, such as having children may not easily happen.


This doesn't mean giving up or not achieving in order to live some zen life in a monastery on a mountain top (although kudos to you if you do that).  But I feel that in all the time time that it has taken me to get to my thirties a lot of the ways in which I was living were not working for me.  It's taken me till my thirties to realize this and also understand that I can change the way I live if I really want to.


Fair enough, I am not married and don't have kids, so I have a lot more time to spend being present this decade than others who were braver than I was and got married and had kids.  But the thirties definitely seem to be the best time to take a moment for pause.  Re-evaluate what is important to you.  Decide how you can become a better person for those in your life now, and for those in your live to come.  This in turn will then enable us to enter 'middle age' more gracefully having had the time for self reflection that so many people leave time for only on their death bed.


Therefore I propose that 3-0 really is a magic number in what is no longer the middle of our lives, but can still be considered so.  The thirties give us the chance to stand at the top of the plateau we have been climbing towards all through our younger years. We can stop, take stock and take the time to make sure that where this mountain is taking us is really where we want to go.


While I may still feel rather lost and confused as to who I am at this stage in my life, I know for sure that the chance to stay present and live a fuller life after some self-reflection is definitely the way I'd love to spend this important decade.


What about you?

Savannah Film Office saved from layoffs

Great to hear that while the city of Savannah has laid off 57 workers as of Monday none of these lay-offs come from the film office.

Sad news for the hard working city workers of Savannah, but great news for the Savannah Film Office!  Let's hope there are no more threats of laying off film office workers to come.

http://bit.ly/dSjEvG

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

WOW!  This is a great talk.

Don't only read about it. DO IT!

I love websites such as thescriptlab.com where you can find almost anything you may have questions about regarding screenwriting and sometimes even get a bit of inspiration for your work.


I tend to find, however, that the more I look at these kinds of websites the less writing I actually do.  I get so caught up in 'learning about my craft' that I forget to actually practice it.  It's also a great way to procrastinate when you are trying to avoid the actual work involved in 'writing'.


It's not the websites' fault, of course!  It's definitely mine.  I especially love it when I collect website upon website in my favorites folder that I believe will help me write better, when in actual fact they end up piled up in the 'go back to it later' folder.  I admit it - I rarely go back...


While I really do intend to read and learn more about my craft and use these websites as tools for improving on the skills I have already acquired, I can't stress enough to new screenwriters that the best way to learn about screenwriting is to write and to let others (who naturally have a respect for the craft) read your work.  Find someone you trust and allow them to comment on your script.  It's amazing what you can learn!  Even if it is just to correct your grammar and spelling mistakes!


Just because you're facing a blank screen alone, doesn't mean you should think of screenwriting as a solo-mission in which you have to reach the award level having done everything all by yourself. Just as filmmaking is a collaborative medium, so is screenwriting.  Without others to point out when you are telling instead of showing, or writing dialogue that only robots would say (great if you're writing the next big robot blockbuster) how will you ever improve?  Sure you can visit a screenwriting blog or website that gives you tit-bits on how to improve the dialogue or write correct format, but you still need that human being who is willing and interested and believes in you enough to sit down and keep turning the 90-120 pages of your script.


While reading about screenwriting may get the juices flowing or allow you to discover things you never knew about the screenwriting process, you do need to find yourself a writing/ reading buddy - someone who is kind, but honest and who can really help you take your script to the next level.  Otherwise you may spend a lot of time and money writing what you think is the 'next big thing', but which ultimately becomes the 'next big rejection'.


One warning about those writing/ reading buddies to end - if your writing/ reading buddy tells you that your writing sucks, find another writing/ reading buddy. Ultimately that kind of reaction tells you that they suck!  Everything has potential!


And don't give up.  Keep Writing! :D

The Excitement of Rejection

It's wonderful when something negative happens that allows you to take stock of how far you've come in changing mental patterns.


After three long months of waiting to hear back about a job I knew I wouldn't enjoy but applied for anyway, I wrote an email to the company to ask if there was an update on my candidacy.  The next day I got a reply back saying that while my experience and qualifications were great, I was not chosen for the position, yadda, yadda, yadda.  You know how it goes.


In the past I would have probably slammed the laptop lid shut (I'm a Mac owner now so thankful those days are over!), stormed out the room and spent the rest of the night sulking around the house telling myself how unfair life was and if they didn't want me it was their loss not mine.


While I am still telling myself that it is their loss knowing my qualifications and experience and what a great darned worker I am, I'm really taking this rejection as possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me.  


My thoughts remind me of a blog post I recently read through Tiny Buddha by Jen 'Smiling Heart', whose recent job firing actually ended up being the making of a new and wonderful career writing for her blog and doing her wonderful art.


I got an email recently advertising a course in copywriting, and while I wouldn't say I'd love to get into technical writing, at the same time my interest was piqued and I had a gut instinct that while I had an extra bit of cash this course could be just the direction I need to go in to start doing more of what I love - writing.


I've spent so long hiding from writing and day dreaming about it, but now I've finally come to realize that it's really what I love to do and I need it in my life.  It's not the easiest profession in the world, and actually teaching ESL to students out here in the Middle East in many ways is much easier, but it doesn't make me happy.


This job rejection has finally given me the chance I need to go out there and do what I love.  I've spent a long time running from full-time job to full-time job for fear of an unsteady income while I watched friends struggle, but do what they love, even if at an unsteady pace.  This position I've ended up in finally gives me the push I've needed to head back 'home' to the States and get more involved with filmmaking and writing while also being able to help out my family in ways that a full-time job would never allow.


It's not going to be easy.  It's definitely going to be scary, but scary can be exhilarating and at this age I believe I need a bit of exhilarating to move me into the next stage of my life, full of stories and the excitement that being rejected brings.


Wish me luck!!!

Lessons of the day - It Starts With Us!

If someone looks down and depressed, why is it some people's natural instinct to ask about what's wrong?  Why do some people always comment on how 'tired' others look or how 'stressed' they appear?  Wouldn't it serve a better purpose to tell that person something uplifting so that they receive a compliment, which in turn may help them feel less depressed and down?  If we lift each other up when we're down rather than pointing attention to the fact it's possible that doing this may help the person then feel 'good' enough to open up to whatever is actually bothering them (if there is something bothering them, which there might not be).


A couple of years ago I was living in New York and teaching English as a Second Language for 6 - 8 hours a day with limited breaks in between.  I was taking the subway for at least 40 minutes to and from work.  I was struggling to survive on barely more than minimum wage.  I often didn't have the money to spend on more than rice and peanut butter and jelly to eat every day.  I survived like this for about a year before things got a little bit better.  It was a difficult period full of stress and my own avoidance of looking at the things that needed attention in order to live a happier life.


I doubt I looked my best at this time, but did I need someone to point this out to me every day?  One day it got so bad that I decided to count the number of people who told me I looked tired and it came to about 20.  While I understood their concern, I didn't need to be told I looked tired.  Who wouldn't be living in that situation?  And I got to a point where I couldn't take these comments anymore.  I had to start telling people that their 'concern' was making me feel worse.  Not to speak of the fact that  the people who told me I looked tired the most were the people who cared to help me feel better the least.  It seemed to just be their way of making conversation.  Them telling me I looked tired was, in their mind, the same as commenting on the weather.


I don't like getting angry or irritated in this kind of situation as it only exacerbates the problem, but it did get me to thinking what a difference it would have made in even one day of that year if someone had stopped me to say that I looked good in what I was wearing, or that they liked my earrings, for example.  


It's funny how we all strive for peace and happiness yet we can manage to cause so much dissonance with the people around us simply by not paying attention to how much a kind word can mean to someone who is struggling and suffering.


So, the next time you see someone that looks sad or tired, think of a pick me that could turn their whole day around rather than a put me down that could end up worsening yours!


#ItStartsWithUs

INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY

Brenda, Aisha and Leigh sit huddled around a low coffee table in the one spacious corner of the office break room.  WORKERS walk back and forth behind them as they talk.

LEIGH

                              So do you think this will 

                              be a suitable quiz for our

                              students?

Leigh points to a sheet of paper on the coffee table while Brenda sits looking out of the break room into the office beyond, which is buzzing with life.  Aisha nods.

AISHA

                              Sure, sounds fine with me.

They look to Brenda who turns back to the group and immediately reaches out to touch Leigh's shoulder.

BRENDA

                              You seem very stressed today 

                              Anna.  Are you okay?

Leigh smiles tightly as Aisha furrows her brow in confusion.

LEIGH

                              Yeah.  I'm fine.  I've just 

                              got a lot on my mind.

BRENDA

                              Are you sure?  You just don't 

                              seem like yourself.

LEIGH

                              Well, I'm a bit hot in here 

                              today but I'm not stressed.

AISHA

                              So, Brenda, do you agree with 

                              Leigh and me that this quiz is 

                              appropriate?

Aisha looks at her watch as she speaks.  Leigh writes something on a note pad which is lying in her lap.

BRENDA

                              Yeah.  It's fine.

LEIGH

                              So, the other thing I wanted to 

                              talk to you about was the issue 

                              of the writing project that the

                              students need to complete.  I 

                              was thinking about what you 

                              said Brenda and feel it's best 

                              if each teacher decides how best 

                              to approach the work with their

                              class rather than me dictating.

BRENDA

                              That's what I was meaning when 

                              I spoke to you about this 

                              yesterday.  I didn't mean you 

                              needed to change anything or add

                              anything to what we already have 

                              in the syllabus.  Anyway, if we

                              teach the lesson comparing 

                              the two buildings that we have

                              coming up with a focus on the 

                              project then that will be 

                              enough for the students to work 

                              with.

Aisha and Leigh nod their heads in agreement.

LEIGH

                              Well, that's all I wanted to 

                              talk to you about so I guess 

                              we're done.

BRENDA

                              Are you absolutely sure 

                              nothing's bothering you Anna?

LEIGH

                              No, I'm fine.

BRENDA

                              Okay.

LEIGH

                              Thanks then guys.  I'll send 

                              you the minutes tomorrow for 

                              your signature.

Aisha, Leigh and Brenda all get up and exit the room.  

BRENDA

                              I'll meet you in the restaurant

                              for lunch Aisha.  Bye Anna.

Brenda turns and waves at Leigh as she walks away.  As Brenda nears the office entryway ANNA walks into the break room towards her.

BRENDA

                              Hi, Anna.

Anna smiles at Brenda as she walks past and then immediately bursts into laughter along with Leigh who holds back in the room.  Leigh moves towards Anna.

LEIGH

                              D'you see what I mean?

Leigh shakes her head with a smile as she walks away into the office leaving Anna laughing alone in the break room.

Defending the Ego

I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker today.  Not that the content was interesting, at least not for me, but my emotional reaction to it was.


I didn't really have time to talk to her.  It's funny how people don't always read your visual cues, take a pew and start chatting while you're arm deep in pear juice and exam marking.  Oh the joys of teaching!  I don't know how 'real' teachers do it.  Really!


I did my best to stay open and present and really listen.  Unfortunately what I heard was someone unable to cope with the stresses placed onto them on a daily basis and their need to be saved from work they were unable to cope with.  I can understand this situation myself having worked at my current institution for a year and a half.  There is a lot of 'dumping' that goes on from above.  Luckily for me I've become a lot more proactive and have started to say 'no' way more often than I ever have in the past. 


In general, taking on extra work/tasks is not necessarily a bad thing for it gives employees the chance to prove themselves at work.  But in terms of this institution, from all I've seen, generally you just end up getting blamed for all the problems that are mainly due to mismanagement.  Therefore, it's best all around just to stand your ground and say 'no'.  This is unless you are saying no to responsibilities that are a daily requirement, of course.


Going back to the conversation - I did tend towards being a nay-sayer in an effort to question why I was really being asked to do this task.  My questions didn't go down well and my co-worker felt the need to put me down in order to prove her point in giving me the task.  This is the part that interested me the most for purely personal reasons.


First of all, I could totally understand where she was coming from and why she said what she did.  There was also no doubt in my mind that it wasn't worth retaliating in anyway, so I sat back, nodded and let her voice her piece.  I then spent the rest of the morning stewing over how to create a solution rather than a problem now that it was obvious there was no way I could avoid doing this task.  


Then it came to me.  Instead of focusing on the co-worker or the task or solutions to our problem, I should be focusing on the energy this conversation had created.  The energy was familiar in every way, the only difference was the way I was viewing it. While in the past I would have carried this energy around daily, thinking over and over about the conversation and put-down I had received, now I realized that all I was really dealing with was energy!  And this energy had the power to involve me in gossip, backstabbing, he said/ she said, all in the ego's struggle for survival.


Luckily, with an exam to invigilate, I was given the time I needed to realize the game my ego was playing in an effort to hold onto any little grasp it has over my thinking now that I've been practicing Buddhism and the wisdom of Eckhart Tolle for a good while.  I wouldn't say I'm now in better control of my ego as I've only just started noticing this pattern of thinking.  The urge to speak to someone else about how hurt I feel having been put-down is still extremely strong.  However, I can feel positive in the fact that I'm starting to improve in my choice to keep the put-down to myself and figure out a solution to the problem without letting the ego take over.


Of course, I just shared this story with you so I can't feel too positive just yet. The next time it happens and I don't speak OR blog about it will surely be the most important baby step so far!


Namaste