Day 7 #trust30 - 2006/2016

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

(Author: Corbett Barr)

2006:

Get up, get out and get over yourself. Even though I know you can't you must. You must move on. You must let go. You must walk out of that door and not look back. There are many people trying to drag you down but you know that you can't be beaten. You may be bruised and have scars to prove the battles you have fought, but the real scars that you need to work on are inside you still. They will not heal until you give them the attention they deserve. Don't wait as long as I did. Seize the day. Use the time you have now that you spend inside, alone, sad, lonesome, unloved. Learn to feel happy, loved and a friend to yourself. You are never truly alone. You are never truly unloved. Everything is connected. You can feel it in your blood and your soul, which is why these battles are so painful to wage, for you are only fighting yourself in other forms. Until you stop fighting yourself, these battles will be forever present. When you accept yourself and everything then the battles will disappear. This does not happen quickly and still hasn't happened, but you're on your way to understanding this more. You feel it in each breath, each sigh, each smile. 

I know you won't do any better than I did or I wouldn't be where you are now. So don't beat yourself up about it. Accept your karma as your dharma. There is a rhyme and reason for everything, you just don't know it yet.

There is much good to come. When the healing begins, so does life. Things you never thought possible come into your life at times when you least expect it. Just don't forget how precious life is because a horrific lesson will make you realize that the harm you have done was no intended, just misguided love. Embrace others, faults and all for none of us are perfect and when our time together is gone we miss all those imperfections more.

Tell your family and friends you love them, and most of all yourself.

2016:

You have achieved more than you dreamed you could, but you still haven't reached your goal - because there isn't one! You're living instead of planning. You're loving instead of dreaming, you're peaceful instead of wandering. You've seen trouble, you've seen misery, but nothing you couldn't handle now that you understand this is the song of life sometimes played in a minor key. I know you kept up with the practices that keep you wise and connected for they are not practices that are easy to let go of once they are in your blood. I'm sad it took so long to integrate them fully into life, but no practice can be rushed.  People have come and gone, but your core are still around you and your smile is ever present. Who says dreams don't come true?

Day 6 #trust30 - Screenwriting

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Next to Resistance, rational thought is the artist or entrepreneurs worst enemy. Bad things happen when we employ rational thought, because rational thought comes from the ego. Instead, we want to work from the Self, that is, from instinct and intuition, from the unconscious.

A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. Its only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.” - Steven Pressfield, Do the Work

The idea of “being realistic” holds all of us back. From starting a business or quitting a job to dating someone who may not be our type or moving to a new place – getting “real” often means putting your dreams on hold.

Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

(Author: Matt Cheuvront)

I've always wanted to send one of my feature film scripts to agents for production.

Standing in my way is:

• Several scripts in revision stage that I have not continued working on recently.
• My fear of success.
• My fear of failure.
• My fear that I will be too attached to the script and not want it to be butchered by a re-write by someone else or a bad director.
• My attachment to my stories and characters
• The time I have to finish the scripts.
• Wanting to send it out now even though they are not ready.
• My lack of networking skills.
• Not getting paid to write for a living yet.
• Questions in my mind about how I should go about doing it rather than just trying different approaches and seeing what happens.
• Not being willing to use the contacts I have to progress even though I would happily help someone in the same position if I had an in.

Plan:

• Start working on a feature script once Nanowrimo for the summer is over.
• Research all the different ways I can send scripts to agents, using all the documentation I have saved and downloaded over the last months.
• Give my script out to those who know how to read a script and ask for feedback or join a screenwriting group that I trust.
• Decide who my feature would suit before sending it out in a cold query.
• Enter the script into festivals.
• Copyright my work.
• Start asking friends who they work for and if they know anyone who knows anyone who could pass on my script. Maybe do this in return for a favor for them so that they don't feel totally used and abused by me.
• Work harder to get paid for writing articles (as you already know you can hint hint!)
• Start working out how I can best network and how I could feel comfortable doing this.
• Meditate on my fear of success and failure.
• Ask myself what would happen if I did succeed/ fail...what would my next steps be?
• Pick a script that I feel is most marketable and work on that one first.
• Pitch the script to film friends and ask them which one they would be most interested in seeing/ making etc.
• Use the time i have left here in Oman to FINISH (or at least try and finish) revisions on a feature. Don't waste it away on blogging challenges like this one (which is great, but which takes away from screenwriting).
• Meditate on giving away my script and watching it go nowhere. 
• Meditate on non-attachment to my work.

I shouldn't be waiting for anything, but I'm waiting until mid-July I reckon.

That's my goal for now.

Day 5 #trust30 - One Week Left to Live

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.

Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

(Author: Jonathan Mead)


I have to believe that if I had only 1 week to live I would still write. I would write out all the hopes, dreams, fears and joyful experiences I would have during that week.
I'd keep practicing Buddhism, although I think I would practice harder and more than I am now, which means I should be doing more now than I am!
I would keep practicing yoga.
I wouldn't go to work.
I would ask my family more questions.
I would listen to great music and sing at the top of my lungs to singers like Tori Amos and Ani Di Franco who speak to my soul.
I would sit and watch the birds hopping around, pecking in the garden.
I would watch every sunrise and sunset.
I would savor each flavor that touched my tongue and every sensation that touched my skin.
I would tell everyone I loved them.
I would contact old friends.
I would meditate.
I would send out loving kindness to myself and those I loved as well as those I have a harder time with.
i would speak kindly to others.
I would give away as much money as I could.
I would relish every in and out breath I had left in me.
I would close my eyes and feast on the sounds around me.
I would open my eyes and drink in all the colors and shapes I could see.
I would kiss and hug those people that would accept it and send kisses and hugs to those I couldn't be with.
I would write love letters to each person I loved telling them my favorite memory of them, all the things I love about them and any widsom I had to impart.
I wouldn't wear makeup.
I wouldn't worry about how my hair/ skin/ body looked. I wouldn't even think about my ever appearing wrinkles.

There's just so much I would do...

To do:
All that I am currently doing - yoga, meditation, singing, loving, holding, enjoying, giving, writing.

To stop:
Working as an ESL teacher
Focusing on the negative
Holding back in telling those that I love that I love them
Distancing myself from friends that I love
Holding onto grudges
Holding onto money
Holding onto my breath
Eating and start tasting
Hearing and start listening
Speaking and start conversing
Watching and start seeing
Hating and start loving
Worrying and start LIVING

All these things make me come alive and I'm lucky enough to have the wisdom to be striving for them.

How can my goals improve the present?
I can focus on what my goals are doing for me in the present moment:
Are they bringing me joy?
Are they keeping me honest?
Do they move me?
Do they create dialogue with others?
Are they sustainable?
Does the practice bring me happiness?
Am I better in this moment than I was in the moment before?
Is the practice more fulfilling than the result?
Am I alive when you practice these goals?
Do they connect me with my true self?
Do I feel lighter when doing them than when not doing them?

If I answer yes to all of these questions then I know that the present moment in the goal is more important to me than the future outcome and therefore worth pursuing because they are being done for the right reasons.

Namaste

Day 4 #trust30 - Where in the world?!!!

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

(Author: Chris Guillebeau)

I'm lucky enough to have traveled most of the world from an early age. That's what being a TCK is all about. However, there are many places I haven't been that I would still like to visit. 

The one place I want to visit before I die is actually a place I've been before - my favorite place in the world, Bali.

I love the atmosphere, people, culture and mix of Hinduism and Buddhism found on this tiny island that you can travel the length of in one day. 

The main thing I want to do there is stand in the temple on the edge of the ocean and watch the sun set.

If I could do this before I die my life would be complete. I don't know if it will happen, or when (if it does), but I'm hopeful. If it doesn't, then at least I can say I've seen one of the most beautiful places on earth and that no matter where I go that experience will stay with me.

UPDATE: Day 3 #trust30 - The Question/ My Biggest Obstacle

UPDATE 6.5.11

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates

Having spent the last 48 hours pondering the question I asked myself two days ago, the only answer I can come up with that is honest and that answers my question with integrity is that I don't know how I can solve this problem for myself.

I know that I should keep going down the current path I am on for this has taken me much father than I ever thought I would or could go.

I also understand that I'm asking this question right now because I obviously still have some answers that I need to figure out. I'm not all knowing. I have learned a lot in this l last year that I didn't know before, and I know that I will learn a lot next year that I don't know right now. Therefore, the wisest thing I can do right now is admit that I don't have all the answers, but remain happy to sit in knowledge that as I move forward the answers will no doubt find me when I'm ready to embrace them.

The bravest thing I can do right now is surrender to the mantra "I don't know" and that is what I shall do.

Namaste

6.3.11

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.

Bonus: tweet or blog a photo of your post-it.

(Author: Jenny Blake)

See ya in 48 hours! Hopefully with some answers!

Day 3 #trust30 - One Strong Belief

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

(Author: Buster Benson)

We all have the power to end our own suffering by understanding our minds and realizing that we don't have to be driven by their every whim. This is the one strong belief I possess that isn't shared by my closest friends and family. Of course, they believe that to some extent because they are not total delinquents, but they don't believe it to the extent I do and it shows in their often unhappy lives.

I have chosen to follow the teachings of the Buddha and to live a Buddhist lifestyle. This doesn't mean that I am a happy sorted person. No way! It simply means that I'm more in control of my mind than I've ever been before. It means I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions that arise from those thoughts. It means I'm aware of what I'm thinking and how my thinking causes me to suffer, and it means I have a place to work from, to start from, when trying to liberate myself from suffering. 

I've started a year long blogathon in which I write everyday about the lessons I'm learning and my struggles with my practice. This will be research for a novel I want to write around the topic of liberation from suffering. However, it also keeps me in check with my thoughts and actions, and allows me to see where I'm going wrong. My blog has also connected me with others on a similar path who are also writing about their experience. We learn from each other, laugh with each other and commiserate when the going gets tough.

There are so many resources out there on the web that I never knew existed that have helped me with my path. I'm learning something new everyday. This also keeps my practice fresh and allows me to come at it with new eyes so that I don't become entrenched and stuck in my path without a teacher.

I'm also actively figuring out how to continue my practice when I move back stateside at the end of September. I am actively pursuing a Sangha that I can join because the Sangha is the heart of the practice. 

Ultimately it was #reverb10 and 750words that started me on the firm path I'm on now after several unsuccessful attempts to dabble in Buddhism. For this I am eternally grateful. 

Namaste

Day 2 #trust30 - Once Sentence to Describe the Day

Day 2 and I'm on track for the 30 day challenge :)

Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

(Author: Liz Danzico)

One sentence:

When in doubt stop and remember that those who have not been touched by the Dharma cannot be expected to live by the Dharma and therefore compassion should prevail no matter how difficult that makes your life and practice for that in itself is the practice.

Day 1 #trust30 15 Minutes to Live

I just found out about #trust30 today so my 30 days starts a couple days late. So be it. I'm letting go today.

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

(Author: Gwen Bell)

Sit. Feel the heart racing, pumping the blood around and round the heart and body in desperation. It refuses to stop even though you will in 15 minutes. Take a deep breath. It's hard to calm it. It's living you out before you live out it. 

Feel the ground, the earth, pulsing below you. It mimics your heart just to let you know that you truly are still alive.

Dig your fingernails into the dirt. Rake them around until they are filled with stones and dust as your skin and bones will become in what may seem like a few minutes but yet also eternity, waiting, watching, wondering.

Watch your chest rise and fall with each inhale and exhale cause goodness knows that's easier than watching the tip of your nose. You've only got 15 minutes left baby girl, why watch the nose that's tormented you with it's size this whole time.

WAIT. I'm still breathing, I can still feel the blood pumping, the heart racing, the energy soaring.

You would have called your mother, sister, father, brother, girlfriend, boyfriend, cousin, friend, lover, teacher. You would have called them all if it wasn't for the fact that the 15 minutes you had left to live would be taken up simply by them asking:

"Hello, how are you? I've been meaning to call you for so long now and I just didn't get round to it. You know what there's some crazy shit been going on in my life. Do you mind if I tell you about it before even letting you say hello? No? You don't. I knew you wouldn't and it's not as if you don't have time."

No. It's better to breathe. Although they'll all be sad and wonder why you didn't try to communicate with them that you were dying. But you were always dying so why would this come as a shock to them? Has it come as a shock to you? Feel that heart jumping out of your chest - you can't deny it. Well I guess you could go ahead and try but don't say we didn't warn you.

You wonder how they're going to find you, right? Arms and legs contorted? Face in a grimace as if you died in pain? Tongue hanging out? Eyelids and lips as blue as the summer sky you gaze up into now? Will you have peed yourself? Shit yourself? Let's not go that far. Does it really matter? Well to them it does, but you'll be gone by there so it shouldn't matter to you one bit.

We can only control how we live. We can't control how we die. Well, I guess we could try...

But this is 15 minutes to live my girl and you're preoccupied with death? That's not much living is it? It's mostly thinking? LIVE as if you are dying. Don't DIE as if you are dying. 

You feel frozen, don't you? What can you possible do in 15 minutes that's living, is what you're thinking, right? Watch some TV? Watch some other people live the fantasy life that you'll never achieve? NO WAY. That's not living although you certainly spent a lot of time doing so when you were alive.

But I am alive now.

That's what you think! Prove it!

Where's the cushion? Pull it to the floor. Adjust your posture. Remember that practitioners experience is noted in how long they take to adjust. Adjust your heart away. You've got at least 10 minutes now.

Wiggle those toes, itch those armpits, scratch away those insects that live under the skin. Make sure your legs don't fall asleep by sitting up high and allowing the knees to fall down to the ground. 

That's it. Now take 3 breaths in slowly and surely. YES! I KNOW! Only 8 minutes left, but RELAX.

Place your hands in the mudra of your choice. There's no dictator here. That's it. Slowly. Move them around a bit till their comfy. Take another 3 breaths. Yes, I know, we got the order wrong. You'll just have to breathe again. Get over it. That's life isn't it?

Settle down into your spine but don't slouch. You're only as young as your spine and just because you're dying doesn't mean you're old. That spine is younger that you think it is. Drink in it's energy, maybe you'll get a couple extra seconds out of it.

Well, now just keep breathing. We're nearly there. Not much we can do about it now.

Shit - what about that recipe I promised to send mom???.

-----

You've always had 15 minutes to live, you just didn't know it.

Work - Pleasure or Pain?

Do you work too much?


I once did, especially when it came to jobs I had no interest in pursuing other than to pay me money to stay alive. Unfortunately it always seems to be these kinds of jobs that I put all my effort into and then wonder why I can never pursue the things I love.


One of these such jobs is teaching ESL. I know about a handful of people out of the hundreds that I've worked alongside who actually do this job for a love of the actual job. I'm not saying that we don't enjoy working with our students or try to make the best of it, but teaching is definitely not a job you want to continue to strive in while simultaneously hating every moment.


There is so much that is expected of you by not only your students, but also your employers and ultimately no matter what happens you will be blamed as the teacher for any fall out.


I always said I never wanted to teach, so what did I end up doing? Yup! Teaching! Yawn. But all that's about to change. I've finally taken the plunge after a year and a half of making a good living teaching. I'm finally taking a course that will further my passions in writing. Of course this means I'm working harder because I'm teaching AND studying, but it makes a big difference when you are loving what you are doing. I hardly notice all the hard work that goes into my studying because it's enjoyable.


It's really never too late to make a change, although the powers that be would hate for you to know that. So if you're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired in your current job do something about it. It doesn't and shouldn't have to be that hard to make money to live.  You may have to live more simply or sparingly to do more of what you love, but in the end isn't that worth it? Do you really need the latest iPhone or Blackberry? 


It's easy to get caught up in the 'working to live' mentality, but there is always the option to start 'living to work'. While you do still have to put food on the table remember that your happiness could still come first in order to do so as long as you believe it's possible.

A year from now...

Write a letter to yourself a year from now. What things are happening right now that you won't want yourself to forget?


Hey you!


Well right now you're fighting yourself. You want to write, but many things, such as work, are getting in the way of you having the time and energy to devote to it.


It's not a daily struggle, to be precise, but it's still a sign that the old you and your procrastinating ways haven't fully died yet.


However, I hope you remember how much last year proved that you were finally willing and ready to live your passions. After such a long time misplacing them in areas that you weren't truly interested in, it was great to be living your truth for a change. Do you remember how much energy and creativity you had bursting out of you on a daily basis having finally understood your purpose in this life? I hope that now you are reading this you haven't forgotten, or at least that this post will help you to remember and rekindle those feelings.


I won't tell you that everything in your life was pink and fluffy. Yet, you were definitely living in a more positive era where you were able to look into and reflect on things more deeply in order to understand them and understand your own reactions better.


Your vision of life was still very black and white and often uncompromising, but you were still having an internal struggle with how to deal with situations that would leave you depleted and hurt if you did compromise. I believe that right now you will be steps closer to having solved that problem, at least that's what I would imagine knowing your intent for future practice.


It's funny how you can look back on things and see the leaps and bounds you have taken in the changing while at the time they were really only advances in small baby steps. This is what I hope you remember right now - how important those little baby steps were in you becoming someone you could live with and love and laugh with. It definitely took time to get there, but wasn't the journey worth it?


There is so much wisdom to be gained with age and experience and you've definitely dealt with both of those. I know that 33 will feel pretty much the same as 32 feels right now, but I also know that many things in your life that have been laying dormant for so many years will have blossomed into beautiful flowers that you are able to tend to and nurture into this next phase of your life.


All I would advise is that tenacity is the key. Just keep coming back and striving for whatever values you hold true, no matter the path they take you on. You know the truth at the time and remember the wisdom in this even if your choices turn out to be mistakes.


Keep the flavor and love in your life by remembering all the times you lived your life on pause waiting for the next patch of green grass to make it all better. Why wait for tomorrow what you can live today?


Keep hugging those babies, and like your beautiful second mother Ann once told you:


think deeply
speak gently
love much
laugh a lot
work hard
give freely
and be kind


for death comes to us all in the end, and wouldn't it be great to go out living a life full of grace?


Love ya girl and don't you forget it!

Dear Ange, I'm so sorry...

Write an apology letter to yourself for not taking a chance you wish you would have taken in life, love, work, or...?


Dear Ange,


I'm so sorry. I know you're disappointed in me and feel I've let you down. And the truth is that I have. But I also believe that was part of the process to get you to where you are right now in this moment. And I know that you believe that is true.


We should have taken those chances that you had all those dreams about, but somehow life got in the way. I truly believe, however, that life got in the way because we let it. It wasn't our time. It may not have coincided with the timeline you had dreamt of, but it was the timeline that was and is still true to your soul.


I know one thing is for sure - we both agree that we wouldn't go back and change a thing even if we could. This is all we need to remember in order to forgive. I hope you can forgive me and know that I'll do better in the future not to let it happen again.


Stay true...

A kitten that 'just' survived and a random masked guy in my friends yard at 2am.

I sat at the traffic lights near my house today ready to rush off down the highway to work as I usually do.  The cars to my right started to pull out into the intersection when I suddenly noticed a kitten, about 6 months old, running in tandem underneath the red car in the front of the line. 


Strangely the kitten managed to keep up with the red car till the point when it's spine hit the underside of the car causing it to somersault over itself. I put my hands to my face, hardly daring to look at the blood bath I expected to occur next, and gasped.


To my shock the kitten managed to get back on its feet and run out to the left of the car without getting hit by the back tire and continued to run alongside the cars following the red car into the intersection. The kitten looked around itself several times but continued running without getting hit until it reached the median divider and took refuge beside a street lamp.


I was shook up and could hardly believe that the kitten had made it. Then my light turned green and I drove off to work wishing I could have stopped to pick the kitten up and take it to the vet.


As I continued my drive to work, this nearly tragic event early this morning got me thinking about how out of control our lives become when we get into a car. We think we've got it sorted, but one wrong move and we could be ploughing into cars or people. We think so mindlessly about getting into a car and driving that it's only in situations like this that we see the frailty of life when it comes into contact with transportation.


The person driving the red car or people driving any of the cars following it were unlikely to know the cat was under their car or if the cat had been hit. It's also unlikely anyone but a devoted animal lover would have stopped to help the kitten, especially not if the kitten became road kill.


(There are many homeless cats and dogs here in Oman, which we call jebel or wadi cats/dogs (jebel = mountain/wadi = river bed in Arabic) and a good number end up as road kill.)


It really put into perspective the problems I've been having with road rage. Most of which stem from impatience at other drivers who don't respect the traffic laws or other drivers on the road. It also stems from a false sense of control and confidence that it is important to have when you get behind the wheel of the car. We've all seen drivers who are so fearful of the machine they are driving that they end up causing traffic problems.


I think it's important to have confidence and feel in control of your actions behind the wheel, but also have respect for the fact that you can only have control if you stay focused and in control of your emotions. The emotional mind is not one we should be using while driving. 


Therefore in honor of the little kitten that managed to survive what must have been a horrible ordeal today, I vow to try much harder to stay calm while behind the wheel and make sure that I stay in control of not only the car but also my emotions while driving. 


Mindfulness is the answer!


Speaking of mindfulness, it is such an important thing for women to practice, especially if single and living alone. Last night a masked man was wandering about my friend's backyard. She is single and lives alone. The area she lives in is rather sketchy, and luckily she has a dog to keep the intruders away, but it's a reminder for women to always be mindful of their surroundings and make sure they are taking the measures required to keep themselves safe. There's just no saying who will pray on your weaknesses.


It's amazing the tenacity of character that is required to make it through the day!

#reverb10/#reverb11 - a 2011 update

One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?



One thing I know for sure is that every #reverb10 prompt got me thinking and it appears that it also got me sending out vibes into the universe that have culminated all the change that has taken place in my life so far in 2011.


I won't say I'm succeeding in everything that I wanted to achieve this year but I'm also still not in a position to do many of those things (and it is only the beginning of February!).  Out of the things I can accomplish here in Muscat these are the things that are proving to stick:


Writing - I'm on my 66th day of 750words, which is unbelievable (I can't believe how motivated I am to keep racking up those badges! Although my attachment to my badges and word count definitely isn't healthy or mindful of me).  I'm sure that the day I can't write and start back at the beginning again as an egg will really be the challenge.  However, right now I don't know how that will happen as I'm obsessed!  750words keeps me functioning!
I haven't started my first novel yet, or worked any further on my feature scripts, but I'm working on writing my blog everyday and have started a few articles for Tiny Buddha which I hope to submit. Right now my work schedule isn't allowing for much more writing and also the fact I've been sick. Being sick gives me time to sit and think, but I have no energy or passion to write my thoughts down.
I have been much better at letting go of my old self - by proving that when I love something I won't give up on it even if I doubt myself
I have also been better at planning less, living slower and going with the flow by not beating myself up over the things I don't achieve, but also not giving up on achieving those goals when the timing is finally right.
I'm still enjoying listening to Zencast and participating in Drop a Love Bomb, but my meditation practice has ground to a halt. It's the one thing I'm having trouble sticking to. I think that once I join a sangha in Savannah it will help. I need the inspiration of those who practice and experience the benefits around me to give me that boost I can't seem to find in myself.
I'm still teaching ESL and I didn't get a job out of all the ones I applied for, but this experience has been freeing and has taught me I don't have to plan everything out to a t. Life is giving me a chance to finally do what I love - freelance writing and film work - and I've got to grasp that offer while I can. It may never happen again.
I know that with no secure job on the horizon in July my chance to live with less stuff is now, in order to maintain a life that doesn't require a constant and steady flow of income. I am practicing presently although I wouldn't say I'm completely minimalist. That's not really my goal. My goal is to be mindful about my spending and why I need 'stuff' in my life.
I'm less prone to contact Facebook and email checking as I was last year but this is mainly due to the wisdom of @gwenbell and @evbogue whose current technological explorations have really made me think more mindfully about what I'm involved with online. 
I'm still as judgmental if not worse than I was, but this is because I've been taking less time to sit back, breath and live in the moment. Not meditating is a reason for this I'm sure, and once I have sorted that out I'm hoping this part of my personality will fall into line (a girl can dream!).
I'm so busy writing that I'm watching WAY less TV. This is also cause there's less on, but it's good for me and my life - so please OSN don't put any good shows on and my TV sabbatical will continue!
Unfortunately I'm still road raging, but I'm getting better at being mindful about the possibility of road raging before I get in the car. Gradually I'm becoming less concerned about what others think anymore, which is also why I'm willing to admit I'm a chronic road rager (I don't get out of my car or anything, but a few fists have been raised!). I'm still buying shoes (but it's under control because I'm succeeding in my financial goals) and I'm definitely dreaming less and doing more.
I'm so hopeful for the future, which my yoga practice helps with although due to being sick I haven't been able to practice as much as I've wanted to.


All in all I can't complain. If this is what the start of 2011 holds, just think what the end of 2011 will have brought!  Can't wait!

Expressing creativity

Tell us about three ways you express your creativity.


Through writing
When I'm singing
Through the colors I choose to brighten my day in whatever form and shape they take

Procrastination x 7

Tell us seven things you do when you procrastinate.


If it's a good day:


I get a snack, then I add a drink to my order. Then I'll turn on the TV just to see if Kendra is on, then I'll search the channels realizing there's nothing on and praying for a great On Demand movie, which there won't be. Following that I'll open every tab possible on Safari and Firefox just to see if anything interesting happened in the five minutes I was gone. Then I'll notice a dust bunny hopping quietly along the edge of the room and decide that the house really needs to be cleaned, like right NOW. Failing at all that as a means to procrastinate I'll wander the house sighing a lot in the hopes someone will engaged me in conversation as to why I'm sighing, at which point I can steer the conversation towards long, debatable topics.


If it's a bad day:


I'll stop, sit, breathe, watch my thoughts rising and then open up 750words and just let it all out. Before I know it I'll have written that 750, my procrastination will be squirming underneath me and I'll be well on my way to writing 8 more pages of my script or scribbling the beginnings of my novel.


I'd hate to think what I'd do if it was a terrible day! Bring them on!

What I've learned from the people who annoy me!

Prompt: Think about someone who annoys you. Write a list of everything you don't like about them, and then write a list of all the things that you're grateful that they've shown you about yourself.


First let me state that if someone annoys me, no matter how often they annoy me or how much they annoy me, the problem is mine and mine alone.  This is what I believe.  I cannot control others, I can only control my reaction to them.  Therefore it's up to me to examine why others annoy me and what I can do to change myself in order to change my reaction and move on from annoyance into compassion.  This is in no way an easy feat, but by first identifying what the annoyances bring up in me I can start to piece together the things I have to improve in myself and an action plan of how I can do this.


There is someone very close to me who causes me no limit of annoyance most days. Ultimately this is because what annoys me I can see in myself and I don't know how to deal with it because I don't know how to stop it in myself.  Some of these annoyances and the things I'm grateful they've shown me are:


- Extreme views
I'm a scorpio so everything I see I see in black and white. Often to such a point in the pas that I've lost all the color from my life. I think that's why I've found Buddhist practices so important in showing me the depth and range of color a life can have. I'm grateful that I have seen the destructive nature that black and white thinking can have in the long run and how it can alienate those around you to the point that you become very isolated and alone. This is not to say that black and white thinking is wrong, but simply that our thinking should resemble a rainbow of colors rather than just a couple.


- Not listening
I feel that the reason why many people don't listen to others is because they've never felt heard. What I've been grateful to learn watching someone not listening to others is that it's so much more important to listen to others than be heard. And you'll find that the more you do listen, the more the other person will be willing to hear your views too. So, I'm trying much harder these days to step back, take a breath and listen as fully as I can. It isn't always easy and I do a lot more listening that talking, but sometimes what I have to say isn't that interesting anyway!


- Selfishness
Being annoyed with someone who has a selfish nature should not mean that you become generous to a fault where you no longer take care of yourself. Again the important thing to remember about selfishness is the middle way. We must remember when to take care of others and when to take care of ourselves. It's a fine balance and one we all have to figure out for ourselves.


- Closed views and opinions
I don't believe that I have to agree with the opinions or views of others, but I do believe that I must have enough compassion to understand where the other person is coming from with their views and opinions and why they may believe what they believe. 


- Laziness/ Sloth
I am soooo lazy sometimes. But what I've realized is that it's not about wanting to be lazy but simply about fear. It's about being so fearful of change, for better or worse, that you get paralyzed, to the chair, to the computer, to the television and nothing and no one can get you moving. The more you put into your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health the more you can release your fears and deal with anything in your life.


- Greed/ Over consumption/ Lack of self control
I've come to understand that all these flaws in people are due to an avoidance in self understanding and self reflection. If we stop and take a look at what's really causing our greed, over consumption and lack of self control we can begin to deal with the emotions that cause us to act in these manners. It's hard to look within and really look at what scares us about ourselves, but only when we do so can we start living our truth and face our fears so that they don't control us.


There is no easy fix for changing ourselves into the people we dream to be. Others only prove to reflect the things that we struggle to deal with everyday. But rather than looking at these reflections as defeating we should look at them with joy that we have been given the opportunity to see a deeper part of ourselves that can be fixed in order for us to live our best lives.