Prompt: Think about someone who annoys you. Write a list of everything you don't like about them, and then write a list of all the things that you're grateful that they've shown you about yourself.
First let me state that if someone annoys me, no matter how often they annoy me or how much they annoy me, the problem is mine and mine alone. This is what I believe. I cannot control others, I can only control my reaction to them. Therefore it's up to me to examine why others annoy me and what I can do to change myself in order to change my reaction and move on from annoyance into compassion. This is in no way an easy feat, but by first identifying what the annoyances bring up in me I can start to piece together the things I have to improve in myself and an action plan of how I can do this.
There is someone very close to me who causes me no limit of annoyance most days. Ultimately this is because what annoys me I can see in myself and I don't know how to deal with it because I don't know how to stop it in myself. Some of these annoyances and the things I'm grateful they've shown me are:
- Extreme views
I'm a scorpio so everything I see I see in black and white. Often to such a point in the pas that I've lost all the color from my life. I think that's why I've found Buddhist practices so important in showing me the depth and range of color a life can have. I'm grateful that I have seen the destructive nature that black and white thinking can have in the long run and how it can alienate those around you to the point that you become very isolated and alone. This is not to say that black and white thinking is wrong, but simply that our thinking should resemble a rainbow of colors rather than just a couple.
- Not listening
I feel that the reason why many people don't listen to others is because they've never felt heard. What I've been grateful to learn watching someone not listening to others is that it's so much more important to listen to others than be heard. And you'll find that the more you do listen, the more the other person will be willing to hear your views too. So, I'm trying much harder these days to step back, take a breath and listen as fully as I can. It isn't always easy and I do a lot more listening that talking, but sometimes what I have to say isn't that interesting anyway!
- Selfishness
Being annoyed with someone who has a selfish nature should not mean that you become generous to a fault where you no longer take care of yourself. Again the important thing to remember about selfishness is the middle way. We must remember when to take care of others and when to take care of ourselves. It's a fine balance and one we all have to figure out for ourselves.
- Closed views and opinions
I don't believe that I have to agree with the opinions or views of others, but I do believe that I must have enough compassion to understand where the other person is coming from with their views and opinions and why they may believe what they believe.
- Laziness/ Sloth
I am soooo lazy sometimes. But what I've realized is that it's not about wanting to be lazy but simply about fear. It's about being so fearful of change, for better or worse, that you get paralyzed, to the chair, to the computer, to the television and nothing and no one can get you moving. The more you put into your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health the more you can release your fears and deal with anything in your life.
- Greed/ Over consumption/ Lack of self control
I've come to understand that all these flaws in people are due to an avoidance in self understanding and self reflection. If we stop and take a look at what's really causing our greed, over consumption and lack of self control we can begin to deal with the emotions that cause us to act in these manners. It's hard to look within and really look at what scares us about ourselves, but only when we do so can we start living our truth and face our fears so that they don't control us.
There is no easy fix for changing ourselves into the people we dream to be. Others only prove to reflect the things that we struggle to deal with everyday. But rather than looking at these reflections as defeating we should look at them with joy that we have been given the opportunity to see a deeper part of ourselves that can be fixed in order for us to live our best lives.
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