December 4th - Wonder
Meditation, Zencast and yoga almost everyday are what have allowed me to cultivate a sense of wonder in my life during 2010. I have learned so much value in being in the moment and have enjoyed learning about Buddhism so much that these things keep me going and striving to make my life happy so that I can do that for others in return. Wonder is easy...you just have to allow yourself to be in the moment and really see what's there and you'll be blown away...
December 3rd - Moment
Picking a moment in which I have felt most alive this year could be picked from so many but I have to choose what happened to me today.
I had just exited the calm shopping paradise that is Qurum City Center with my last Xmas purchases before the next paycheck comes in right before the 25th. I heard a bird chirping above my head and looked up into the gray piping above my head. I couldn't see anything but knew it was a Mynah bird from the noises that I have heard so often in our garden here in Muscat. I acknowledged the bird's song before making my way slowly over to the car that has been transporting me back and forth across this city for the last year and a half.
Once inside the car I took a moment to set up my i-pod and get the tunes flowing as today has felt as much a day for singing in the car as any. As usual however I couldn't pick a tune to rock out to even as I approached the intersection at the exit from the car park. I finally picked a U2 tune (can't remember which one, but it was good) and turned to drive up the hill when I noticed the heart-stopping, gasping beauty in the color of a bougainnvilliea I had passed on my way into City Center. I knew it was there, having driven this road many times before, but I hadn't seen it on my way down the hill. It wasn't until I changed direction and drove up the hill that it's beauty almost caused me to jump on the brakes.
I held my breath for a moment as my eyes got wide and I gasped 'Wow!'. In one instant I understood this universe and the greatness in it. Such beauty in the moment it took me to really see what was in front of my eyes the whole time.
I've seen many bougainvillea in my lifetime and I always appreciate the beauty of this plant, but never in my life have I really 'seen' a bougainvillea like that before. It made me appreciate the moment for what it is. It made me take a moment to appreciate life and I know it and how simple and gorgeous a moment is if we take the opportunity to let it in and enjoy it.
I wish I could have sat and watched that bougainvillea all day. I would even have taken a photo if I hadn't been driving, but it would never have compared to that moment that I glimpsed past, present and future in the perfect moment.
December 2nd - Writing
The things I do each day that don't contribute to writing are endless hours of staring at my Facebook newsfeed waiting for a message or comment to pop up. Fair enough those hours are not continuous cause 'that would be insane' LOL! But there's always that little voice that pops up when thoughts of writing occur that tells me there could be a message waiting.
750 words is going to be my means of getting something written everyday. That and the fact that my feature script has been brewing for so long that opportunity is knocking at my door and I feel it is finally time to brush the dust off the title page and make something out of it. Revisions, revisions, revisions - just as I have been revising myself during 2010. And I've turned out ok, so I'm hoping it'll be a winner in 2011 :D
December 1st - One Word
The one word that encapsulated the year 2010 for me would be LOVE.
Cheesy you may say as I would have said last year, or the year before etc etc...but not this year. For this was the year that I decided to change the happiness quotient that I allowed myself and let love in for a change.
2009 was a year of loss for myself and others I love. My judgements of others made me short sighted to the grander plan that was in place. I began to see how all the love I had seen and shunned had been life trying to get in and explore. I had firmly shut and locked the door, but then a tiny being came into our lives and everything began to make sense. There was a reason and a purpose. I wasn't sure what mine was as clearly as I do now that I have started inching the door to my heart further open each day. Since that first crack appeared I have received more than I ever could have expected in so many ways that I am grateful for. New acquaintances, old acquaintances, new loves, forever loves, new dreams, the accomplishment of old dreams and experiences I never expected.
Most of all it was a year for loving myself enough to understand that the love I receive can only grow further from the love that I have for myself and luckily 2010 was a great year for that.
Subscribe!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
#reverb 10, Love Bomb and ItStartsWith.Us
In an effort to write more I joined a website called 750 words - which is just simply AWESOME! I had tried daily pages in the past (read some Julia Cameron for inspiration) but always seemed to 'forget' about it after a while. Having a daily email reminder to write my 750 words online makes it a lot easier to sit down and get typing. Mind you I've only completed my second day so I'll see how it goes. I have made the pledge to type 750 words every day in the month of January, so it's quite an incentive to keep it up! I especially love the stats I get at the end of the day. Especially cause both days have now ended up with a PG rating for sexual content. Typing bedroom in my words obviously has that affect on 750 words! LOL!
From 750 words a number of new blogs and websites have popped up on my horizon these last two days. Some of which are #reverb10, Love Bomb and ItStartsWith.Us. I'm all about spreading the love these days. The more you give the more you receive. Check these websites out if you're into making the world a better place.
So #reverb10 - a chance to blog or journal on reflections of 2010 and manifestations you wish to happen in 2011.
I've got a bit of catching up to do what with it being December 4th already (the challenge started December 1st). But at least I've got loads of excuses not to stop writing all the way till January 1st. Even if only one person reads this (myself) I'll have accomplished enough in December to make entry into January the positive change I wish to see in my life.
From 750 words a number of new blogs and websites have popped up on my horizon these last two days. Some of which are #reverb10, Love Bomb and ItStartsWith.Us. I'm all about spreading the love these days. The more you give the more you receive. Check these websites out if you're into making the world a better place.
So #reverb10 - a chance to blog or journal on reflections of 2010 and manifestations you wish to happen in 2011.
I've got a bit of catching up to do what with it being December 4th already (the challenge started December 1st). But at least I've got loads of excuses not to stop writing all the way till January 1st. Even if only one person reads this (myself) I'll have accomplished enough in December to make entry into January the positive change I wish to see in my life.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Betserai the script - 2010 Oregon Film Awards Bronze Level Award
Just found out today that Betserai the script won a Bronze level awards in the short screenplay competition at the 2010 Oregon Film Awards. Quite a shock to find this out after being told on Withoutabox.com that my script hadn't been accepted to the festival!
Another good placement keeping the dream and spirit to write alive.
Hopefully more good news to come soon for script and film. I'll keep you posted!
Another good placement keeping the dream and spirit to write alive.
Hopefully more good news to come soon for script and film. I'll keep you posted!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Betserai Film Festival Entries
Betserai the film has so far been entered into the following festivals:
Los Angeles Women's International Film Festival
and
Women's International Film & Arts Festival in Florida
Here's to hoping the employee I dealt with at Aramex sent the correct DVD to the correct festival cause it was touch and go when I explained what to do.
It is as it is.
More festival entries to be posted soon. Wish us luck and keep checking back for details!
Los Angeles Women's International Film Festival
and
Women's International Film & Arts Festival in Florida
Here's to hoping the employee I dealt with at Aramex sent the correct DVD to the correct festival cause it was touch and go when I explained what to do.
It is as it is.
More festival entries to be posted soon. Wish us luck and keep checking back for details!
A Practicing Buddhist and Filmmaker?
I believe there is a real dichotomy for filmmakers who are practicing Buddhism. How can we be in the moment, stay present and not get caught up in ‘where I want to be in 5 years’ or ‘they’re winning all those festival awards while my film sits on a shelf gathering dust’? How can we combine and marry the ability to be okay with wherever we are at the present moment and also simultaneously achieve success the way a filmmaker needs to, by creating and making and submitting and selling?
The answer is that right now I don’t know. Maybe some people out there have all the answers, but at this stage in my Buddhist practice it is important for me to be honest and tell you that I have no clue.
I struggle with this crisis everyday, especially when following my friends, colleagues and complete filmmaking strangers on social networking sites. While these online communicative tools allow me the chance to learn and explore more of the film world than I ever realized was out there, there is always that nagging voice at the back of my mind comparing me to those out there doing as I sit here being.
Fair enough, sometimes my being is an excuse for not doing due to fear of success or fear of failure. Never quite doing what it takes to achieve my goals and dreams does make it easier to justify any mental suffering I bring upon myself.
However, there is always that one day when I do decide to mail in my film to a festival, or open up Final Cut Express to finish a music performance I’ve been trying to edit for weeks, and that is what will separate me from the people who never realize their dreams. The key is to get back on the horse when you fall off. So much of filmmaking relies on tenacity. The successful people are successful because they never give up.
Our contemporary culture also doesn’t allow much room for failure. It’s the ultimate f-word in the filmmaking world. No one wants to know you unless you’re succeeding. However, to achieve great success there must also be an equal if not greater amount of failure in some part of life. That is the balance of the universe. It may not be apparent that the successful people in the film world have failed at some point (unless you can find comprehensive box office revenues online for prolific directors), but then who in our contemporary culture reveals their failures over celebrating their successes? Only the most humble of people, and that is rare to find.
I believe one answer to it all is to be joyful for the successes of those around you, because those successes prove that one day they could be your successes. Also, if you can celebrate others successes, hopefully it will leave less energy for comparison and self-flagellation!
Another way I look at it is that I see my insecurity about my level of success in the film-world as simply the universe’s way of reminding me not to give up. It’s that little voice inside of me that reminds me about the feature script I started but haven’t taken off the boil yet. It’s not that I haven’t succeeded, but that I haven’t given myself the opportunity to succeed because I haven’t given myself the opportunity to fail either.
I also haven’t always been willing to admit what my strengths are, and that as much as I’d like to ace every position in the credits of my film, I understand that I probably wouldn’t succeed doing that anyway. Collaboration is what keeps me alive and present and makes a success out of me.
One thing that also matters is that you do what you can. If that means you won’t be successful till you’re 65, then that’s what it means. Besides, it could be possible that we need to re-invent our idea of success. Does it mean that you win an Oscar? Or make millions selling your film? Or does it simply mean that you had a wonderful experience working with talented individuals who taught you more than all the money in the world could?
I know I have been successful with the films that I’ve made so far because I’ve learned. I’ve learned when I’ve been right and I’ve learned when I’ve been wrong. I’ve learned that what I really want to do is write. I’ve learned that I love working with amazingly talented openhearted actors who long to collaborate with a director.
Is this collaboration happening on every film set in the world? It’s doubtful. Does that mean that it will be easier for me to get a job directing because actors are dying to work with a collaborative director? It’s doubtful. I’m not necessarily meant to be part of the system that generates millions and wins Oscars right now. I’m still in the process of creating my art and fundamentally filmmaking is a business. Therefore, now might not be my time to have success in the industry. Is this the time for me to create and foster my art? Is this the time to explore and learn more about myself, and the human condition, playing by my own rules? Is this the time to share my writing with those who understand where I am at this point in my ‘career’? I would say yes. Yes, to them all.
Therefore again, we need to re-evaluate our understanding of success. Because right now, unless I never pick up a pen or my iBook again, I’m as successful as can be.
Thanks to a friend of mine for the inspiration for this blog post after a long time of having nothing to say. Your suffering helped in my process of creating and I hope I can return the favor! And of course also to the podcasts from Zencast.com who continue to help me deal with suffering on a daily basis. Namaste.
The answer is that right now I don’t know. Maybe some people out there have all the answers, but at this stage in my Buddhist practice it is important for me to be honest and tell you that I have no clue.
I struggle with this crisis everyday, especially when following my friends, colleagues and complete filmmaking strangers on social networking sites. While these online communicative tools allow me the chance to learn and explore more of the film world than I ever realized was out there, there is always that nagging voice at the back of my mind comparing me to those out there doing as I sit here being.
Fair enough, sometimes my being is an excuse for not doing due to fear of success or fear of failure. Never quite doing what it takes to achieve my goals and dreams does make it easier to justify any mental suffering I bring upon myself.
However, there is always that one day when I do decide to mail in my film to a festival, or open up Final Cut Express to finish a music performance I’ve been trying to edit for weeks, and that is what will separate me from the people who never realize their dreams. The key is to get back on the horse when you fall off. So much of filmmaking relies on tenacity. The successful people are successful because they never give up.
Our contemporary culture also doesn’t allow much room for failure. It’s the ultimate f-word in the filmmaking world. No one wants to know you unless you’re succeeding. However, to achieve great success there must also be an equal if not greater amount of failure in some part of life. That is the balance of the universe. It may not be apparent that the successful people in the film world have failed at some point (unless you can find comprehensive box office revenues online for prolific directors), but then who in our contemporary culture reveals their failures over celebrating their successes? Only the most humble of people, and that is rare to find.
I believe one answer to it all is to be joyful for the successes of those around you, because those successes prove that one day they could be your successes. Also, if you can celebrate others successes, hopefully it will leave less energy for comparison and self-flagellation!
Another way I look at it is that I see my insecurity about my level of success in the film-world as simply the universe’s way of reminding me not to give up. It’s that little voice inside of me that reminds me about the feature script I started but haven’t taken off the boil yet. It’s not that I haven’t succeeded, but that I haven’t given myself the opportunity to succeed because I haven’t given myself the opportunity to fail either.
I also haven’t always been willing to admit what my strengths are, and that as much as I’d like to ace every position in the credits of my film, I understand that I probably wouldn’t succeed doing that anyway. Collaboration is what keeps me alive and present and makes a success out of me.
One thing that also matters is that you do what you can. If that means you won’t be successful till you’re 65, then that’s what it means. Besides, it could be possible that we need to re-invent our idea of success. Does it mean that you win an Oscar? Or make millions selling your film? Or does it simply mean that you had a wonderful experience working with talented individuals who taught you more than all the money in the world could?
I know I have been successful with the films that I’ve made so far because I’ve learned. I’ve learned when I’ve been right and I’ve learned when I’ve been wrong. I’ve learned that what I really want to do is write. I’ve learned that I love working with amazingly talented openhearted actors who long to collaborate with a director.
Is this collaboration happening on every film set in the world? It’s doubtful. Does that mean that it will be easier for me to get a job directing because actors are dying to work with a collaborative director? It’s doubtful. I’m not necessarily meant to be part of the system that generates millions and wins Oscars right now. I’m still in the process of creating my art and fundamentally filmmaking is a business. Therefore, now might not be my time to have success in the industry. Is this the time for me to create and foster my art? Is this the time to explore and learn more about myself, and the human condition, playing by my own rules? Is this the time to share my writing with those who understand where I am at this point in my ‘career’? I would say yes. Yes, to them all.
Therefore again, we need to re-evaluate our understanding of success. Because right now, unless I never pick up a pen or my iBook again, I’m as successful as can be.
Thanks to a friend of mine for the inspiration for this blog post after a long time of having nothing to say. Your suffering helped in my process of creating and I hope I can return the favor! And of course also to the podcasts from Zencast.com who continue to help me deal with suffering on a daily basis. Namaste.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)