Lessons of the day - It Starts With Us!

If someone looks down and depressed, why is it some people's natural instinct to ask about what's wrong?  Why do some people always comment on how 'tired' others look or how 'stressed' they appear?  Wouldn't it serve a better purpose to tell that person something uplifting so that they receive a compliment, which in turn may help them feel less depressed and down?  If we lift each other up when we're down rather than pointing attention to the fact it's possible that doing this may help the person then feel 'good' enough to open up to whatever is actually bothering them (if there is something bothering them, which there might not be).


A couple of years ago I was living in New York and teaching English as a Second Language for 6 - 8 hours a day with limited breaks in between.  I was taking the subway for at least 40 minutes to and from work.  I was struggling to survive on barely more than minimum wage.  I often didn't have the money to spend on more than rice and peanut butter and jelly to eat every day.  I survived like this for about a year before things got a little bit better.  It was a difficult period full of stress and my own avoidance of looking at the things that needed attention in order to live a happier life.


I doubt I looked my best at this time, but did I need someone to point this out to me every day?  One day it got so bad that I decided to count the number of people who told me I looked tired and it came to about 20.  While I understood their concern, I didn't need to be told I looked tired.  Who wouldn't be living in that situation?  And I got to a point where I couldn't take these comments anymore.  I had to start telling people that their 'concern' was making me feel worse.  Not to speak of the fact that  the people who told me I looked tired the most were the people who cared to help me feel better the least.  It seemed to just be their way of making conversation.  Them telling me I looked tired was, in their mind, the same as commenting on the weather.


I don't like getting angry or irritated in this kind of situation as it only exacerbates the problem, but it did get me to thinking what a difference it would have made in even one day of that year if someone had stopped me to say that I looked good in what I was wearing, or that they liked my earrings, for example.  


It's funny how we all strive for peace and happiness yet we can manage to cause so much dissonance with the people around us simply by not paying attention to how much a kind word can mean to someone who is struggling and suffering.


So, the next time you see someone that looks sad or tired, think of a pick me that could turn their whole day around rather than a put me down that could end up worsening yours!


#ItStartsWithUs

#reverb10 - December 17th

Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?


I learned that there is a part of me that does not want me to change under any circumstances.  But this is not me.  My real eternal self wants to change.  And it can change.  And it has to change.  Change is inevitable.  All the things I hope and wish for are possible because change is possible.
I'm applying this lesson by going after the things I want (a healthy mind and body, a writing career, spiritual growth and a happy life) everyday.
There are often days when the part of me that doesn't want me to change is at the steering wheel.  That's been happening a lot this weekend.  It's threatening to continue into next week.  But, I know that change is inevitable and that deep down I'm not that person.  Therefore I know that one thing I can rely on is the fact that next week I won't feel this way (or next month) and that I'll be back to pursuing my dreams.  So the cycle will continue.
I just know that this year and in the years that follow I won't give up on the real me who really wants to change, for I've learned my lesson from the past that giving up doesn't mean things don't change, but can mean things change for the worse if you're not careful.  Even if things change for the worse I'd rather they changed for the worse knowing I did everything I could to make them change for the better.